During our time at university, we often develop very beautiful, close friendships. We want to do so.
We are, in fact, encouraged to build these connections by every FROSH event, orientation week poster and by common-sense advice. I cannot even count how many times I’ve been told that my university friendships are the most important and often, the ones that stick with me for life.
There is nothing I enjoy more than hanging out in my dorm with my friends. I love when we sit side by side in my U of C-supplied double bed, desk covered in the paraphernalia of all who are visiting, lean back against the poster-covered wall of my temporary home, and chat.
Or studying, or watching an episode of HBO’s Girls, or playing cards, or simply sharing space. I like to go to the library with my friends. I like to meet my friends at fun cafés and loiter over a shared pastry.
I like to even, on occasion, sit in on my friend’s lectures. In short, I love my friends a lot, and any time I spend with them is enjoyable. However, much of this aforementioned time, the activities that take place during this time are place-based.
We are able to eat together, attend lectures together, and watch the same show at the same time, because we are physically in the same proximity.
All of this connection building and enjoyable time together is spent together. When we are all attending classes at U of C, it is easy and convenient to spend this much time with our friends.
However, when some students, like me, must return home for the summer, we lose the easy accessibility to this specific genre of connection.
So, from this circumstance, some questions inevitably arise: How do we remain connected to our friends? How do we preserve the closeness within these relationships?
Additionally: Who will we be in most consistent contact with? Who will our communication fizzle with? Will all of our cherished relationships survive and thrive during this time of physical separation?
When the academic year ends, the routines that sustain university friendships disappear almost overnight. The conversations that once happened naturally between classes must now be planned. Transparently, planning these things can be awkward! It may even feel a little forced at times. Things simply don’t flow as naturally between you and your peers hangout-wise when you are hundreds or more kilometres away. Therefore, for many students, summer becomes an unexpected test of their relationships.
I have been in this position for two summers now, and, admittedly, it is a daunting experience. There are some friends that I speak to less than others while I’m away. At risk of sounding like a Love Island contestant, there are some connections that will take more effort to get back to “normal” when I return to Calgary. However, I don’t believe this thesis; that because of this distance between us some friendships are destined to fail, or that lack of contact necessitates a lack of true connection.
The answer to the issue of physical disconnect is not that simple.
We must exert extra effort to maintain these relationships because they are no longer supported by the convenience of shared schedules and physical proximity, not because they are expected to fail or doomed to end.
Summer reveals that, yes, some relationships are more firmly rooted in shared experiences.
For some, this is an uncomfortable reality!
However, this does not mean that they won't naturally resume when the semester begins again. Perhaps the greatest challenge in this period is accepting that friendships do not all need to look the same. Staying connected does not always mean constant communication.
For students balancing summer jobs, family commitments, travel, and time zones, maintaining relationships requires flexibility. Sometimes the strongest friendships are the ones that can withstand weeks of silence before picking up exactly where they left off.
I believe that it is important to remember that. This time may also be viewed as good practice for the mythical post-grad life— how will you know how to function when all of your peers end up walking down different paths? Often, paths that lead away from you.
We must walk with empathy and understanding in your seasonal long-distance friendships. It feels a bit corny and even stereotypical of someone a part Gen-Z to say, but sometimes that Instagram realm you receive at 4:00 a.m. is a declaration of love.
How lucky are we to have friends who make an effort to stay connected to us in any form?
Thus, summer is not simply a break from university, and not simply a test with the result of “good friends stay, bad friends disappear.”
This period of time is an opportunity to understand how your friendships work when faced with trials.
Distance reveals how friendships work and develop when convenience is removed, and it need not negate the strength of the love that has been built.
