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The delicate art of giving oral sex

By Lady Marmalade, March 21 2017 — 

As someone with a vagina, cunnilingus is very important to my sex life. In fact, like many people with vaginas, it is one of the few ways I can reach orgasm. Penetration just isn’t enough sometimes. And for those with penises, getting a blowjob is a great part of foreplay and an all-around good time. But how do you go down on your lover correctly?

The most important part of oral sex is feeling it out. The first time you go down on someone, you probably won’t be a tongue-master who can beckon an orgasm with a single flick. Oral sex takes practice. And each person you go down on will have their own preferences. Some people like hard and fast motions and some people like slow movement with light touches. It’s important to fine-tune your oral technique to the specific partner and build off their reactions. Do they sound like they are having a good time? Keep doing what you’re doing. Ask them to be vocal about what feels good or what you can do differently. Like all sexual activities, communication is key and it will make for better stimulation.

Blowjobs take practice, but one thing is for sure — the wetter the better. Lots of saliva makes for a slippery surface and can also heighten sensitivity due to the lubricated surface. Though I normally wouldn’t encourage taking sex tips from porn, one thing is for sure — the best blowjobs happen when the person giving them is also having a great time. Make eye contact, be noisy and use your hands.

Hands in general are always helpful when giving blowjobs, because if your hands are moist enough, they can act as an extension of your mouth. Use them to move up and down your partner’s penis in front of your mouth so you don’t have to work so hard, and rotate your hand around to get more stimulation going. If your lover has foreskin, be careful about the sensitivity as you just pull that sucker back and go for it.

Going down on a vagina might take a little more practice to master. Not only do vaginas vary in sensitivity, they also come in all shapes and sizes. Finding a penis isn’t hard, but finding a clitoris might be. Focus your tongue on the top of the vagina where the labia — those are the lips — meet. You should feel a slightly hard nubby thing that is covered by the clitoral hood. The clitoris is extremely sensitive on most vaginas, so be careful. Use your tongue to make big strokes over the whole thing and focus on the spots that are getting a good reaction. Like I said — communication is key. Take your time with this one, because typically it can take someone with a vagina around 20 minutes to orgasm from cunnilingus, and for some people, it might take even longer. Making the letters of the alphabet with your tongue is a trick that you can use if you’re a beginner, but don’t rely on it too much. Try to work your way around and get some repetition going where it feels good. Take your time and have fun!

As for protection, there is no excuse to not use it just because oral sex doesn’t involve penetration. Many sexually transmitted diseases are contracted through oral sex. Don’t take the risk — use a condom or dental dam on your lover.

As always, make sure you have the consent of your partner and are in a comfortable position before you go down on them. Don’t take yourself too seriously and don’t be afraid to ask your partner what feels good. If you are the one receiving the oral sex, don’t feel selfish telling your lover how you like it done. It will only make it better.

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