Illustration by Tricia Lim

How to date older women

By Ms. Robinson, February 4 2020—

You hear it all the time — age is just a number. Well, it’s true, especially when it comes to relationships. Age doesn’t dictate maturity, compatibility or attraction, nor are people with age gaps necessarily at drastically different places in their lives, especially in this day and age.

Women date older men all the time, and nary an eyelash is batted. There is, however, an unfortunate stigma when the roles are reversed. Recently, Kate Beckinsale, 45, was heavily criticized on social media for her public displays of affection with 25-year-old Pete Davidson. She was accused of having a midlife crisis, called a ‘cougar’ and even those who considered themselves fans marveled at her ability to “still get it” at her age. Very few considered it a legitimate relationship.

Sadly, the fascination surrounding older women and their younger partners raises some questions about the perception of female aging in society. The double-standard is staggering, but plenty of folks — famous and otherwise — have made the decision to ignore the ridiculous rule that the man must be the older partner.

The best-known May–December romance at the moment is French president Emmanuel Macron, whose wife is 24 years older — but she was his teacher and they met when he was underage, so he’s probably not the best example. Nick Offerman, best known for playing Ron Swanson on Parks and Recreation, married a woman 12 years his senior, while Aquaman’s Jason Momoa also shares a 12-year age gap with his wife, as did Bond actor Roger Moore with his second wife Dorothy Squires — his first wife was six years his senior. Hugh Jackman and his wife have an age gap of 13 years and he’s openly spoken out about the double standard and the criticisms they face.

As long as all parties are of age, consenting and there’s no power imbalance, an age gap where the woman is older can be fulfilling and enjoyable for both parties whether you’re looking for a brief romantic encounter or a long-term relationship.

Long-term:

Common misconceptions about dating older women generally center around having children. The mistaken belief is that she’ll either want kids right away, when you’re not ready — or, when you are ready, she’ll be too old to have them. Neither is true. These days, women are having children later in life. Just because she’s in her 30s doesn’t mean she’ll even want children, nor does it mean she can’t have them if she does.

Sex:

Yep, she’s probably got more experience — and that’s just fine. Plenty of older women enjoy the sense of adventure that younger men bring. Lots of activities will be new and making someone feel like a kid in a candy store is incredibly fun. 

Older women know their younger partners don’t have as much experience and quite frankly, don’t care. Instead of being shy, be willing to learn and check your ego at the door. There’s no need to feel emasculated because she’s taking charge — experienced women know what they want and what they like and will tell you, which means you’ll be able to get her off without having to guess how. Nothing emasculating about that!

Younger men have plenty to offer in this area — they don’t have the same six moves memorized into the repetitive sexual repertoire they’ve been using for the last decade and are generally more open to experimentation. Plus, older women love the stamina that young men bring.

Dates:

If you’re on the shy side and feel like you’d rather die than spend five minutes in a nightclub, a date with an older woman will be a relief. She’ll be up for something more low-key — a quiet glass of wine at a nice lounge, a sporting event, skating or a fancy dinner. Plus, she might even pay.

Be forward:

Older women have no time for games. Your age doesn’t matter to her, so ask her out. Shoot your shot, so to speak. An older woman will lose interest in endless flirting and no action. Want to date an older woman? Just ask her out.

Some young men worry they don’t have anything to offer an older woman. That couldn’t be further from the truth. Younger men are ambitious and at a place in their lives where they’re reaching for goals and striving to make a place in the world. Older women find that incredibly sexy. Older women are independent and don’t need you, but they want you. They’ve already established themselves and can help you do the same. 

This article is part of our Opinions section and does not necessarily reflect the views of the Gauntlet’s editorial board.



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