By Matty Hume, February 28 2018 —
Pisces (Feb. 19 – March 20)
Ahh, the fish month. You’ll be the first person on earth to actually buy a Filet-O-Fish from McDonald’s.
Aries (March 21 – April 19)
Ram rhymes with … Read the rest
By Derek Baker, November 27 2017 —
Sagittarius
(Nov. 22 – Dec. 21)
You have been blessed with a horse-like feature. Unfortunately, it’s your face.
Capricorn
(Dec. 22 – Jan. 19)
What animal even is your sign? Some sort … Read the rest
By Joie Atejira, October 24 2017 —
Scorpio
(Oct. 23 – Nov. 21)
It’s your time of the year! We all know you’re going to start wearing less and going out more — just don’t start stripping in class.… Read the rest
By Derek Baker, September 11 2017 —
Virgo
(Aug. 23 – Sept. 22)
In an effort to appear “hip” and “with it,” your professor’s PowerPoint notes will be filled exclusively with emojis and text speak. The mitochondria is the 💡🏠 … Read the rest
By Derek Baker, May 17 2016 —
Taurus
(April 20 – May 20)
You will reignite Alberta’s economy when you spend an unimaginable amount of money at the Banff candy store, despite promising yourself you’d only purchase a single block … Read the rest
By Dawn Muenchrath, February 12 2015 —
Aquarius (Jan. 20 – Feb. 18)
If the sorry state of your love life has left you feeling disheartened, consider taking a long walk this evening to do some serious reflection. When you … Read the rest
By Melanie Bethune, February 5 2015 —
Aquarius (Jan. 20 – Feb. 18)
You will soon discover that strip Settlers of Catan is a real thing and within 24 hours you’ll be naked in your office attempting to barter three … Read the rest