By Joie Atejira, October 24 2017 —
(Oct. 23 – Nov. 21)
It’s your time of the year! We all know you’re going to start wearing less and going out more — just don’t start stripping in class.
(Nov. 22 – Dec. 21)
You’ll be stuck taking care of a drunk Scorpio every Friday night for the next month. The Scorpio will thank you, but doesn’t really remember anything.
(Dec. 22 – Jan. 19)
Be wary of a Scorpio’s sweet words. Next thing you know, you’ll be hypnotized and your bank accounts will be wiped from buying the Scorpio pumpkin spice lattes every day.
(Jan. 20 – Feb. 18)
Give a Scorpio all the attention they need. Watch all of their Snapchat and Instagram stories and use only the right emojis. This season only lasts for a month — you can do this.
(Feb. 19 – March 20)
Lucky you! A Scorpio’s nudes will bestow upon your Snapchat. These are only sent once every 12 years, so enjoy it while you can.
(March 21 – April 19)
Be careful, Aries. Partying with a Scorpio can be dangerous. Party moderately or you’ll end up with alcohol poisoning the night before your midterm and have to get your stomach pumped.
(April 20 – May 20)
Always keep your sunglasses on to prevent the hot Scorpio gaze from turning you into stone. Like Medusa, you may be swooned by their allure — but don’t give in.
(May 21 – June 20)
A Scorpio will ignore you for the whole month and you won’t even know what you did to them. Not even the flu shot can prevent the cold resulting from their icy glare.
(June 21 – July 22)
Try your best not to be annoying and piss a Scorpio off. You would never want them to try their Scorpio Hulk Smash on your new iPhone X.
(July 23 – Aug. 22)
You might want to invest in noise-cancelling headphones — your Scorpio neighbour will throw a rave inside her dorm room for a month-long birthday celebration.
(Aug. 23 – Sept. 22)
You’ll befriend a Scorpio after weeks of camaraderie. Don’t expect them to spill any personal information, though. It’ll take three Scorpio Seasons before you find out their favourite colour.
(Sept. 23 – Oct. 22)
You’re convinced you are still suffering from a hex for dumping a Scorpio over text in 2010. Break the curse by offering your soul to a Scorpio for the entire month.