0
Your future is technologic
By Derek Baker, October 10 2017 —
Libra
(Sept. 23 – Oct. 22)
Your professor will spend the majority of every single lecture trying to get the computer to hook up to the projector. You paid $500 for this.
Tagged horoscopes
0
Your last few months of 2017 will have a plot twist
By Joie Atejira, October 3 2017 —
Libra
(Sept. 23 – Oct. 22)
Though you’re not a fan of horror movies or clowns, an impromptu viewing of the new It film will stir a clown fetish deep inside of … Read the rest
0
Your future is spicier than a pumpkin latte
By Derek Baker, September 26 2017 —
Libra
(Sept. 23 – Oct. 22)
You will stumble upon a neon green pumpkin at the store and bring it home to make pumpkin pie. This pumpkin was radioactive and you now … Read the rest
0
Your future involves you joining a school club
By Tanvi Sankar and Grace Guest Stone, September 18 2017 —
Virgo: Fighting Game Club
(Aug. 23 – Sept. 22)
Easy-going and reserved, you’ve always wanted the superpower to be invisible. Kinda like John Cena, who nobody can see. … Read the rest
0
What will happen to you this week during lecture?
By Derek Baker, September 11 2017 —
Virgo
(Aug. 23 – Sept. 22)
In an effort to appear “hip” and “with it,” your professor’s PowerPoint notes will be filled exclusively with emojis and text speak. The mitochondria is the 💡🏠 … Read the rest
0
Your future is the first week of a new semester
By Derek Baker, September 7 2017 —
Virgo
(Aug. 23 – Sept. 22)
In an effort to save money when buying food on campus, you will start eating your Tim Hortons cup after finishing whatever caffeinated drink was in it. … Read the rest
0
Your future is a sweltering hot summer day
By Derek Baker, April 27 2017 —
Aries
(March 21 – April 19)
Since every day is summer during your summer class, the whole class will break out in song, singing High School Musical 2’s “What Time Is It,” at … Read the rest
0
Get lit with our BSD horoscopes
By Derek Baker, April 6 2017 —
Aries
(March 21 – April 19)
While dancing in the crowd during Bermuda Shorts Day, you will transcend the mortal grips of the earth and have an out-of-body experience — it’s all downhill … Read the rest
0
Your group members may not know what the heck they’re doing, but our horoscopes have it covered
By Derek Baker, March 28 2017 —
Aries
(March 21 – April 19)
Your next group project partner will think you’re stupid and refuse to assign you any meaningful portion of the project. Let them — while they’re pulling all-nighters … Read the rest
0
Spring into your future with these very real horoscopes
By Grant Jackson, March 21 2017 —
Aries
(March 21 – April 19)
Spring is here and that means it’s appropriate to wear shorts. But please, for the love of all things holy, wear nice khaki shorts. Keep those board … Read the rest