By Beatrice Genilo, October 11 2016 —
Libra
(Sept. 23 – Oct. 22)
Wondering if the yellow leaves are sweet, you will taste one off the ground. You determine that they taste like crisp potato chips.
Scorpio
(Oct. … Read the rest
By Jill Girgulis, October 6 2016 —
Libra
(Sept. 23 – Oct. 22)
During an engaging grammar history lecture on the Tuesday after Thanksgiving, you will slip into premature hibernation and awake just in time for final exams in … Read the rest
By Melanie Woods, September 20 2016 —
Virgo
(Aug. 23 – Sept. 22)
While you are enjoying a pint of the new Den Lager, your long-lost son Romero will appear behind you and gently tap you on the shoulder. “I’ve … Read the rest
By Jill Girgulis, September 6 2016 —
Virgo
(Aug. 23 – Sept. 22)
In a drug-induced state, you will accidentally upload a Vine of yourself taken 10 minutes after your wisdom teeth surgery. You will then experience all the highs … Read the rest
By Derek Baker, August 30 2016 —
Virgo
(Aug. 23 – Sept. 22)
While waiting to take the bus outside of Murray Fraser Hall, a futuristic-looking hovercraft will pull up instead. You will skeptically hop on as the driver warns … Read the rest
By Josh Perlette, June 7 2016 —
Gemini
(May 21 – June 20)
While in an elevator, Game of Thrones star Kristian Nairn will stare you down with his beady eyes and tell you to fuck off as he presses … Read the rest
Jill Girgulis, May 24 2016 —
Gemini
(May 21 – June 20)
Enraged at the fact that The Angry Birds Movie is allowed to exist, you will work tirelessly to overthrow the capitalist bourgeoisie and ensure this never happens again.… Read the rest
By Derek Baker, May 17 2016 —
Taurus
(April 20 – May 20)
You will reignite Alberta’s economy when you spend an unimaginable amount of money at the Banff candy store, despite promising yourself you’d only purchase a single block … Read the rest
By Melanie Woods, April 5 2016 —
Aries
(March 21 – April 19)
You will crowd surf at the BSD beer gardens. The crowd will be so large and dense that they’ll take you all the way to Shawnessey.
Taurus … Read the rest
By Jill Girgulis, March 29 2016 –
Aries
(March 21 – April 19)
A salad you ordered from a MacHall vendor that cannot be named due to an FBI ongoing investigation will be so gross that you will find yourself … Read the rest