By Melanie Woods, September 3 2015 —
Virgo (Aug. 23 – Sept. 22) While dancing to Meghan Trainor’s “All About That Bass” at Thursden, an unknown stranger will slap you in the face with a large bass fish before retreating … Read the rest
By Melanie Woods, July 23 2015 —
Cancer (June 21 – July 22) A shirtless man will break into your house looking for his cowboy hat. You will kindly inform him that Stampede is over, but he won’t seem to … Read the rest
By Kate Jacobson, March 5 2015 —
Pisces (Feb. 19 – March 20)
In a Freaky Friday series of events, you will wake up in the body of Michael Cera. There will be no going back. This is your … Read the rest
By Sean Willett, February 26 2015 —
Aquarius (Jan. 20 – Feb. 18)
When you wake up one morning from unsettling dreams, you will find yourself changed in your bed into a monstrous vermin.
Pisces (Feb. 19 – March 20) … Read the rest
By Dawn Muenchrath, February 12 2015 —
Aquarius (Jan. 20 – Feb. 18)
If the sorry state of your love life has left you feeling disheartened, consider taking a long walk this evening to do some serious reflection. When you … Read the rest
By Melanie Bethune, February 5 2015 —
Aquarius (Jan. 20 – Feb. 18)
You will soon discover that strip Settlers of Catan is a real thing and within 24 hours you’ll be naked in your office attempting to barter three … Read the rest
By Melanie Bethune, January 29 2015 —
Aquarius (Jan. 20 – Feb. 18)
The warm weather is a sign that the Fire Overlords are gaining strength. Fortify your home, protect your loved ones and stock up on deodorant and iced … Read the rest
By Melanie Bethune, November 27 2014 —
Sagittarius (Nov 22 – Dec 21) Or should we say, “swagittarius.” Take a break, relax and listen to the swaggy sounds of Shaggy’s “It Wasn’t Me.”
Capricorn (Dec 22 – Jan 19) Have … Read the rest
By Dawn Muenchrath, November 6, 2014 —
SCORPIO (Oct. 24 – Nov. 22) After binge watching fashion TV, you will be inspired to try a new look. In time, you will come to your senses.
SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 23 – Dec. … Read the rest