Homophobia lingers in our sexual fears

By Chris Adams, June 4 2015 —

What’s the most outrageous thing you’ve done in the bedroom? If you’ve ever masturbated, given a blowjob or had anal sex, you’ve committed an act that the majority of the population used to consider incredibly deviant — and many still do.

All of these sexual acts used to be, and often still are, associated with homosexuality. Our society is generally accepting of certain sexual orientations or lifestyles, but rarely the sexual practices associated with them. 

Pegging is a good example of this. Named as the result of an Internet poll in 2001, pegging is the sexual practice where a woman straps on a dildo and anally penetrates her male partner.

For most of us, pegging isn’t a common sexual practice. We’ve absorbed what the “traditional” male sexual experience looks like through books, T.V. and movies. Do they involve a man and a woman? Tick. Is one person in a dominant position? Tick. Is the man’s ass being penetrated with a dildo? No tick. Things get a bit dicey with that last point.

I had a discussion about pegging with some friends a few weeks ago. They weren’t fans of the practice, using arguments like “it takes the man’s role away from him,” coupled with the tried-and-true “do what you want, but—.” I knew where it was going, and the night concluded with a sombre admission from one of my friends that he doesn’t think it’s ‘right’ to be gay. When it comes to homosexuality, that’s the sad truth for many people.

Same-gender attraction is widely understood in the 21st century for what it is — a totally natural sexual orientation. The vast majority of Canadians agree, and anyone with half a brain doesn’t argue against it. Gay couples can get married in Canada, and discrimination against people based on their sexuality is illegal.

But there’s a difference between what’s legally acceptable and how our perceptions respond to legislative changes. How many times have you heard an argument start with the phrase, “I think it’s fine to be gay, but watching them make out is gross”? Phrases like that are latent homophobia disguised as a political opinion.

For many people, there’s a passive homophobia tied to a man getting pleasure from having something put in his ass. Amongst heterosexual couples, many men and women harbour latent fears about what it means if a guy enjoys getting penetrated.

Sex is about pleasure. The majority of sexually active people aren’t fucking each other to procreate, a stance my friends regressed into during our pegging discussion. When done properly, it feels good for a man to be penetrated anally — there’s a pleasure zone up there similar to a woman’s g-spot, one that a lot of guys haven’t had the pleasure of exploring due to fears it may take their manhood away.

When consensual adults sleep together for pleasure, no one should tell them that how they get off is right or wrong. If your critics use contraceptives or have sex for any reason beyond procreation, then they’re hypocrites who deserve an education.