Why do you care about my sex life?
By SooBean Kim, February 6 2020—
Allison Reynolds, played by Ally Sheedy in The Breakfast Club, summarizes the transgenerational struggle of judgment on sex by saying, “Well, if you say you haven’t, you’re a prude. If you say you have you’re a slut. It’s a trap. You want to but you can’t, and when you do you wish you didn’t, right?”
Well, why is that? I believe that one’s sexuality and level of promiscuity is deeply personal and that it should be separated from judgment. I feel it is also important to note that personal does not necessarily mean private. If someone wishes to be open about their experiences, who are we to stop them? Why are we so quick to judge people on something so incredibly personal? You would think that in the millennial age of supposed “wokeness” we would try to welcome sexual liberation and not be slaves to judgments.
The glorification of sex and more specifically one’s first time is a worldwide tradition that has been created through religious beliefs of chastity and furthered through cinema and popular culture. More often, sex is nothing like in the songs or movies. In most cases — for all genders — sex for the first time is no meadow of flowers with a ray of sunlight shining down on the supposedly joyous unification. It is typically awkward and filled with tensions. It is these conceptions that have drawn up a toxic atmosphere of expectations of what sex should be.
One’s level of sexual promiscuity should not define them. You are more than who you choose to have or not have sex with. No one is entitled to confining others into definitions based on their personal beliefs. Those who judge people negatively based on their sexual activities typically claim to do so in the name of morality. Someone please explain to me what is moral about bullying? Sugar-coat it however you like as personal beliefs, freedom of speech and preference. If you use these as an excuse to cut someone down and to hurt them you are — by definition — a bully. What good comes from your judgment? The only thing to come out of that judgment is negativity and don’t we have enough of that in the world already?
For all genders and sexualities, although they may be defined differently, there is a double standard in regards to sex. People are typecast as prudes or sluts. “Freaks” or vanilla. Notice how none of these terms are really seen in a positive light. The only people really praised for their promiscuity are cisgendered heterosexual men and still there exists a double standard. Those in that category who choose to abstain from sex are subjected to toxic masculinity where they are seen as “less of a man.” People judge others on their sexuality, level of promiscuity, clothing, race, gender and education. Isn’t it exhausting? It truly is a man-made trap forcibly placed upon humankind. Speaking frankly, I don’t quite understand why people make the active decision to take time out of their day to hurt someone else. Until someone chooses to bring up their own experiences, or lack thereof, then please mind your own damn business. You are not turning a blind eye, it was never yours to criticize.
This article is part of our Opinions section and does not necessarily reflect the views of the Gauntlet’s editorial board.
Photo courtesy Eva’s Intimates.