How to lose your virginity in university

By Lady Marmalade, September 6 2016 —

While the campus eagerly awaits September’s onslaught of new life, there is always a growing anxiety around the amount of “firsts” that will take place as the fresh faces embark on their university experience. For some, it’s the first all-nighter, first car and first time on your own in the real world. There will also be a very real exploration of self that takes place. Your limits will be tested, you’ll get a real taste of independence, and maybe someone will even stick their hand down your pants for the first time.

I lost my virginity in university, and I know that this is a common experience for many. For starters, I’ll admit I was one of the lucky ones. My first sexual experience consisted of candles, Norah Jones and lots of trust. But I know this is unique.

There is a lot of grey area around the loss of virginity. Ever since I was little, the images that flew through my head when I thought of losing my virginity involved pain, blood and a penis in a vagina. The unfortunate part of this facade is that not every relationship I’ve been in has involved a penis and a vagina — and this is definitely not the case for many queer relationships.

Another issue with this skewed idea of virginity involves what during a sexual encounter marks the “loss” of it all. When genitals touch? When one partner orgasms? After having phone sex for the fourth time? There is really no set moment that can be used as a reference.

Luckily for this generation, it can be a pretty unimportant issue. The first time you have sex can involve many things as long as there is open consent given.

I’ll give you the usual speech. Use a condom. There will be people lining the campus streets whipping condoms of all shapes and sizes and flavors at you during your first few weeks here — use them. Dental  dams are great tools for performing oral sex on people with vaginas because it prevents the transfer of fluids while distributing sensation over a greater area. And there are so many different forms of birth control that it’s almost overwhelming.

Sex is nothing to be ashamed about. It’s good to talk about sex openly and without judgment. Talk to your friends about sex, talk to your partners about sex, and make sure you check in with yourself about sex. Have sex if you want, don’t have sex if that’s not your thing.

“No” means no. “Yes!!” means yes. Communicate. Don’t rush yourself. Figure out your body and ask for what you want.