Student narratives on mental health: The bittersweet feelings of a final semester

By Freeha Anjum, February 24 2025—

I’ve spent four years prioritizing school: Heading home early to study for next week’s test, joining clubs to bolster resumes, and putting tuition dollars to good use by forcing myself to focus on three-hour-long lectures. While I love my degree and hope that the BCEM 393 knowledge I shoved in my brain lasts me until I’m 40, I know that when people said “college is the best and worst 4 years of your life” they were talking about so much more than tertiary protein folding. Because for every miserable moment, I also had a lot of fun here. Sitting in the massive Science Theatres lecture halls does make my heart race, as I recall my hand cramping while I rapidly tried to write down everything I could about a weak acid and strong base titration, but the memory of playing hangman on that blackboard with my friends during finals season also rings in my head.

Despite university being about education, this campus offers much more than I could have thought. I imagine myself in my first semester — happy to have online classes so that I could stay home, having no clue you could get from Social Sciences to Mac Hall from the inside, excited to experience my first Clubs Week or MacHall poster fair, and definitely having no idea how to read a research paper. Everything was new and shiny, including myself. 

And it feels like all of a sudden, I’m a different person. Zoom is my enemy, I know the campus better than the back of my hand, and I don’t even have to go to the poster fair to know what I want this year because I’ve practically memorized them all at this point. Reading research papers though — maybe that could use some work. It’s even more difficult to grapple with the knowledge that the change goes deeper than I expected, because all the sudden I feel the words from my older siblings and cousins, parents, or even TV show characters seep into my head — the many times they told me about how much you change throughout university. It’s interesting to wake up in your final semester, and realize that you’re an entirely different person than you were 4 years ago. The many people, places, and memories that came and went in these years have absorbed themselves into who I am today. 

But still, it’s weird to admit to missing a place you’ve been technically working towards leaving for the past few years. Honestly, it feels embarrassing to even say out loud. But it’s true, because despite the amount of ‘I hate this place’ we share between friends as I recall every hallway of the education building that I’ve had a breakdown in, I also know I’ve had my fair share of laughs in those very same hallways. I’m going to miss watching the sunset with my friends at the top of the Arts Parkade, having wing wednesday nights at The Den each month, somehow having the most exhilarating conversations in the 30 minutes it takes me to get my coffee from the Tim Hortons line in MacHall, or coming to campus early with friends to ‘lock in’ even if we just end up talking the whole time and feeling too tired to function by 2pm.

Because once I graduate, life becomes entirely different. It’s not a ‘see you on Monday’ for my friends anymore, as we move on to different cities, programs, and chapters of our lives. I doubt I’ll ever have OPA! again now that it isn’t one of the few good food options available to me. I won’t be sitting in my favourite study spot until I lose track of time. And the only thing worse than the knowns is all the unknowns. Will my friend group ever be all in the same place again? Will I ever get a chance to see the Taylor Swift impersonator at another open mic night?

I feel a strange pull by the sense of security school provides, hiding me from the ‘real world.’ There’s a fear associated with leaving, making me wish I could have used these four years more wisely. I never took advantage of the pet therapy, or the writing support services, or really took the time to see if there were any funding opportunities which could have been useful when I’m out of school and having to pay full price for everything. So on top of the reminiscence of both good and bad memories, it’s scary to be growing out of this easier phase of life.

But at the same time, I’m going to have a whole degree. I’ll be experiencing a whole new chapter of life, with open possibilities. I can explore new cities, programs, and people outside of the confines of this one campus. My life opens up to possibilities, which is both scary and exciting, but at least it’s something different. Because I still remember my first day of university, feeling my face get red when I walked into a huge lecture hall. I was scared of losing the connections I had from high school, and I was preparing myself to fail assignments because I’d heard it was much harder to do well in university. But those fears soon faded as I got accustomed to the new way of life, and I’m sure this new post-undergraduate transition will feel the same way.

This article is a part of our Voices section and does not necessarily reflect the views of the Gauntlet editorial board.