The nine circles of summer employment hell: Which one are you trapped in?
By Josie Simon, April 2 2025—
In Dante’s Inferno, sinners faced eternal torment based on their earthly sins. But Dante never worked a summer job. Had he experienced modern seasonal employment, he might have reconsidered what true suffering looks like.
Circle one: Limbo – data entry
The condemned tap endlessly at keyboards, inputting meaningless numbers into spreadsheets no one will ever read. Fluorescent lights flicker overhead as their vision blurs and spines slowly warp to match discount office chairs.
Inhabitants: Philosophy majors and anyone who listed “detail-oriented” on their resume.
Circle two: Lust – hospitality
Servers and hotel staff chase the promise of tips that never materialize. Their torment: enduring handsy customers while forcing smiles that never reach their dead eyes.
Inhabitants: Engineering majors and aspiring TikTok influencers with 237 followers documenting their “weight loss journey.”
Circle three: Gluttony – fast food
Workers stand in grease-soaked shoes, preparing food they can’t afford while being berated by customers enraged over missing sauce packets. Their skin permanently reeks of fryer oil and broken dreams.
Inhabitants: Sociology students and that 45-year-old assistant manager still talking about his “big break.”
Circle four: Greed – retail
The damned endlessly refold clothes while customers unfold them directly in front of their eyes. They’re forced to upsell credit cards to people already drowning in debt while meeting impossible sales quotas.
Inhabitants: Drama majors who didn’t make it to Broadway and middle-aged women who start every customer interaction with “As a mother…”
Circle five: Wrath – call center
Souls chained to headsets must apologize for policies they didn’t create while maintaining “pleasant tones” as customers threaten violence over minor inconveniences.
Inhabitants: English majors and those who foolishly believed the “casual atmosphere” promise on Indeed.
Circle six: Heresy – social media management
These sinners craft posts that receive zero engagement while explaining to boomer bosses why the company can’t “just go viral.” They respond to horrific complaints with “We’re sorry you feel that way!”
Inhabitants: Communications majors and anyone who’s used “content is king” unironically.
Circle seven: Violence – manual labour
Landscapers and construction workers toil under merciless suns. Warehouse staff break their bodies lifting boxes. Agricultural workers harvest food they can’t afford, picking crops that will be thrown away because “this apple has a small brown spot.”
Inhabitants: Anyone whose parents said “you need to learn the value of hard work.”
Circle eight: Fraud – commission-only sales
These damned souls cold-call for eternity, mouths fixed in permanent fake smiles while selling products nobody wants. Special torment awaits those in MLM schemes, forever recruiting friends into their downlines.
Inhabitants: Business majors and “entrepreneurs” with wolf emojis in their bios.
Circle nine: Treachery – camp counselor
The darkest betrayal: those promised “the most rewarding summer” only to find themselves responsible for others’ feral children. They exist in a lake of sunscreen and bug spray, repeating the same songs until their vocal cords disintegrate while earning pennies.
Inhabitants: Education majors and anyone who made the mistake of writing “good with kids” on their resume.
This article is part of our humour section.