
How to write a résumé that only your mom would love
By Ayesha Kamran and Rabia Salman, January 24 2025—
Are you struggling to find a job? Is the adult world becoming too difficult to navigate? Do you want to put your best foot forward in the soul-sucking, self-esteem-destroying corporate world? Then look no further! Here are five tips for writing the perfect, mother-approved resume.
References section: The people that tell the hype tales
Avoid adding random ex-employers as your references and instead, add your “trusted adults”— remember stranger danger. For example, your kindergarten teacher who cheered you on as you mastered the alphabet or your grade one math teacher who smiled when you thought one plus one was 11. Don’t forget to mention your most important reference, your number one Hype Queen—mom. Pro tip: add cute pink hearts around her name.
Add your Spotify Wrapped: The most ideal representation of you
Your Spotify Wrapped is the most important annual performance review you get as a person. Flex it on your resume to show your utmost love for country and church music (mom’s favourite genres). Example: “Spotify says: This listener falls in the top 0.01 per cent of listeners of ‘Songs That Play When Mom Cleans the House'”. This guarantees you the “Mom Approved” badge.
Forget a professional photo, add your cutest baby picture
Find mom’s favourite photo from that cringey baby album she shows everyone—preferably a candid shot of you with smashed cookies everywhere—and add it to your resume. Who doesn’t love a cute baby picture? Impress employers with the ultimate seal of approval from mom. As a bonus, add ‘Certified Cookie Monster’ as a credential.
Your career objective: Making mom proud
Be honest about your motivation: you’re seeking this position to make mommy dearest proud! Mention that your first paycheck will go toward a new speaker for mom’s late-night WhatsApp video sessions. After all, the whole neighbourhood deserves to share in her 2 a.m. social media discoveries.
Experience? Plenty!
Look at yourself through your mother’s eyes! Remember that time you fixed the TV by unplugging and replugging it? Congratulations, you’re an engineer. Or when you reassured your mother, she didn’t look fat in that dress while being reminded of Willy Wonka? You’re both a therapist and a liar—highly desirable workplace traits!
We hope these tips help you navigate the adult world. Don’t forget that your mother is holding your hand every step of the way. But, if these tips don’t land you a job, try finding your father, who went to get milk 10 years ago and ask him instead.
This article is part of our humour section.