By Hien Nguyen, October 9 2018 —
Libra
(Sept. 23 – Oct. 22)
Capitalism.
Scorpio
(Oct. 23 – Nov. 21)
You will fall into an accidentally unlocked office in the science buildings and discover what the psychology department is really … Read the rest
By Frankie Hart, October 5 2018 —
Libra
(Sept. 23 – Oct. 22)
While navigating around a blocked-off part of campus, a construction worker will approach you and ask if you can lend a hand. After you respond that you’re … Read the rest
By Derek Baker, September 7 2018 —
Virgo
(Aug. 23 – Sept. 22)
You will try your darndest to start the wave in the stands. Despite your best efforts, the only ones who will stand up when it’s their turn … Read the rest
By Frankie Hart, September 6 2018 —
Virgo
(Aug. 23 – Sept. 22)
You don’t know what these kids are saying anymore. Orange justice? Fortnight? Can you ‘tea pose’ with spilled tea? Though you resolved to decrypt the language of … Read the rest
By Derek Baker, April 26 2018 —
Taurus (April 20 – May 20)
You will be that idiot who doesn’t clean up their campsite, attracting a crowd of bears with the food you left around. They will eat all of … Read the rest
By Frankie Hart, April 12 2017 —
Aries
(March 21 – April 19)
A peer will throw up on your shirt. If the resulting shape resembles a heart, it’s a good sign for your love life. If it’s a dollar … Read the rest
By Derek Baker, April 3 2018 —
Aries (March 21 – April 19)
After scrambling to finish an assignment late into the night before it’s due, you’ll forget it on the printer tray while packing up the next morning, causing … Read the rest
By Joie Atejira, March 6 2018 —
Pisces (Feb. 19 – March 20)
Asking for everyone’s notes and frantically searching Wikipedia for answers won’t help you prepare for your discussion-based class — only prayers can now. Bless up.
Aries … Read the rest
By Matty Hume, February 28 2018 —
Pisces (Feb. 19 – March 20)
Ahh, the fish month. You’ll be the first person on earth to actually buy a Filet-O-Fish from McDonald’s.
Aries (March 21 – April 19)
Ram rhymes with … Read the rest
By Frankie Hart, February 14 2018 —
Aquarius
(Jan. 20 – Feb. 18)
Upon realizing all of your female friends actually have a Valentine, you will spend “Galentine’s Day” with your favourite cat. Paws before bras.
Pisces
(Feb. 19 – … Read the rest
