2022 SU General Election Full Supplement

Illustration by Tricia Lim

What cryptic encounter will you have this month?

By Frankie Hart, October 5 2018 —


(Sept. 23 – Oct. 22)

While navigating around a blocked-off part of campus, a construction worker will approach you and ask if you can lend a hand. After you respond that you’re simply not qualified, they’ll become insistent and build you into the new MacKimmie Tower. What a fun art piece!


(Oct. 23 – Nov. 21)

You’re going to get the strange feeling you’re being followed, then turn around to discover a cute rabbit! Or at least, it looks like a rabbit.


(Nov. 22 – Dec. 21)

It’s important to make eye contact with your professor. You’ll give them a thoughtful stare to indicate your attention. They have interesting eyes. Are they… red? You will find yourself unable to move, locked in this moment of mutual gaze. Hours will pass. Are you going to die like this?


(Dec. 22 – Jan. 19)

You will find out what happened to U of C Confessions… and it will get you, too.


(Jan. 20 – Feb. 18)

On your way home from campus one night, you’ll find warmth in a mysterious building run by a scientist who is “making a man with blond hair and a tan.” Next thing you know, you’re wearing lingerie, covered in dirt and performing one final musical number.


(Feb. 19 – March 20)

The professor will call on you to answer a question in class, only for your brain to blank on a response. Clearly, someone is hacking into your thoughts!


(March 21 – April 19)

Logging into D2L, you will find what looks like the normal website, but the colours are inverted. Spooky.


(April 20 – May 20)

You will ask out your class crush and be devoured whole.


(May 21 – June 20)

Your Tinder date will literally ghost you. Happy haunting!


(June 21 – July 22)

For weeks after Thanksgiving, you’ll hear faint gobbles in the distance. For an unrelated reason, you’ll decide to become vegan soon afterwards.


(July 23 – Aug. 22)

Your teeth will fall out, and it won’t be a dream this time!


(Aug. 23 – Sept. 22)

Well, it was nice knowing ya!

Hiring | Staff | Advertising | Contact | PDF version | Archive | Volunteer | SU

The Gauntlet