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Bake sale feud between clubs quickly escalates into Food Network-style war

By Jill Girgulis, October 13 2015 —

Last Wednesday, Campus Security received reports of a Food Network-style bake-off occurring between clubs at the table in Science B. Students from the Archaeology Students’ Association and the Yoga United club were locked in a Chopped-style competition when responders arrived.

Students claim the feud was a result of overscheduling.

“We booked the table two months ago and then showed up with our tupperware containers full of hand-crafted organic almond butter squares,” Yoga United president Hannah Berry said. “And the archaeology folks were already set up there. We immediately knew we had to settle things.”

The rules of the bake off required both clubs to produce their three tastiest treats using ingredients from the other club’s table. The closest chemistry professor served as the judge for the three rounds.

“Right away I thought we were screwed,” Berry said. “I’ve eaten real dirt that tastes better than their ‘dirt & worms’ pudding.”

The Yoga United club came out on top in round one with their spreadable cream cheese and peanut butter Oreo® crumble.

“Adding the cream cheese, that was my idea,” Berry said. “The smooth, refreshing taste perfectly compliments the crunchiness of the Oreo® cookie. I might pitch this dessert to La Taqueria.”

Archaeology club president Brian Lait was impressed with his club’s ingenuity.

“We wanted to make something hot, so my VP Finance raided the nearest chemistry lab and came back with, like, six Bunsen burners,” Lait said.

Lait and the archaeology students then upset the Yoga club with back-to-back wins in the next two rounds. Their chocolate pecan banana bread ice cream sandwich dessert was described by the judge as nurturing and familiar.

“This is so much bigger than us versus them. My great-aunt’s chocolate pecan banana bread’s reputation was on the line!” Lait said.

The archaeology crew’s rainbow marshmallow squares were enough to pull out a win, leaving Yoga United humiliated and without anywhere to sell their handmade treats.

“The judge told us that we’d been ‘chopped’,” Berry said.

When asked about her decision to throw a red velvet cupcake in Lait’s face after her club conceded, Berry denied any malicious intent.

“It was well past noon and I just assumed he was hungry after spending all day at his bake sale, —  if you can call it that,” Berry said.

Apart from the noticeable lack of operational bake sales on Wednesday, the episode did not appear to negatively impact the general student population.

The two clubs will meet again in two weeks. Both are scheduled to hold Halloween-themed bake sales outside the Fitness Centre in Kinesiology B.

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