2022 SU General Election Full Supplement

Four creative ways to use your leftover turkey

By Melanie Woods, October 13 2015 —

Thanksgiving is a holiday of family, food and football. But when the dishes are cleared and family have gone home, many of us are left with piles of delicious turkey we don’t know what to do with. The Internet might suggest making a delicious turkey soup or sandwich, but we believe in creativity and innovation. With that in mind, here are some handy ways to use all that leftover turkey.

Juice: Artisanal juice bars are all the rage right now, with many popping up around the city. Throw your leftover dark meat, stuffing and mashed potatoes into a blender, juicer or Magic Bullet®, set it to high and enjoy the nutritious and delicious result on the way to your next spin class. The chunkier, the better. If you have to chew your drink, it means you’re working hard for your nutrition.

Political protest: If you aren’t happy with Canada’s new government on Oct. 19, make your voice heard. Take the discarded pieces of your holiday bird and write a message of unrest on a hillside. The scattered carcass will symbolize the torn and broken dreams of your political future, rallying the people to rise up. The humble turkey shall be a call to arms for the revolution.

Companionship: Feeling lonely? Reassemble your Thanksgiving turkey into a tasty pal to keep you company. Your friends may leave you and your family may die, but Walter will always be there. He always listens, even during your darkest days. And as Walter slowly becomes foul over the coming weeks, the stench of rotting food will remind you of all of your own incompetencies in the world. You and Walter are really one and the same – rotting carcasses of flesh left to turn sour in the cruel air of the world.

Modern art: Carefully arrange the components of your Thanksgiving feast on the steps of the Suncor Energy building downtown, photograph it and sell the prints to a high-end modern art gallery. This particular way of using your leftover turkey is a physical representation of the decline of middle-class values and the death of the Canadian dream in the wake of corporate capitalist ventures and the mass-market economy.

Separated into white and dark meat, the rich and the poor are forever at odds within our financial structure and laid bare for the cruelties of society to pick at. Are we not all just the unclaimed remnants of the last supper of industrial capitalism, laid out by an omnipotent god on the steps of our own future only to be forever picked at by the carrion birds of corruption? We are  all the bones of a great skeleton of hope laid out to bleach in the cold industrial sun, reflected off of the downtown monoliths of business dominance.

Hiring | Staff | Advertising | Contact | PDF version | Archive | Volunteer | SU

The Gauntlet