From Saskatchewan? Here are nine tips to assimilate into Calgary

By Gurman Sahota, September 27 2016 —

If you hail from Saskatchewan like me, moving to Calgary may be a bit of a culture shock. Here’s a list of helpful tips to help you cope with the change in topography.

Language: Not as many people say “y’all” here as you’d think. Leave it back in Regina. Also, it’s called a hoodie, not a bunnyhug.

Location: If someone asks where you’re from, you have two options — Regina or Saskatoon. Pick the city closest to your small town and say you’re from there. Chances are, unless you’re talking to another Saskatchewanian, they won’t know where your hometown is. And if you’re from Lloydminster, don’t try and be fancy and say you’re from both Alberta and Saskatchewan. It’s not close enough to be a full-fledged Saskatchewanite, even if you went to the Comp and lived on the Saskatchewan side.

Sports: Football isn’t that big here. It’s okay. You’re allowed to mention the Riders winning the Grey Cup three times per semester, maximum.

Transportation: There are trucks here, yes. Most will not be jacked up — follow suit. Jack down.

Snide comments: People will definitely say “Saskatchewan is so flat, lol” as soon as you mention where you’re from. Just tune it out, it’s like static on the television — no need to fight about how the land is more diverse than fields of wheat.

Desserts: Saskatoon berry pie will always taste more lovely at home the way your parents made it, but it’s not too bad here. The knock-off version will suffice if you close your eyes and slap some ice cream on it.

Music: That song. You know the one, about pirates on the river Saskatchewan. When it comes on, a very proud tear will come to your eye and you will sing along, gosh darn it.

Be humble: Don’t talk about cow tipping. Or the bush parties. You’re in the big city now. It doesn’t matter how funny it was that one time you left Danny in your uncle’s field with only his left boot and the truck without gas so he had to walk his way back to town.

But be proud: Remember that mostly-flat bastard of a province will always be in your heart, no matter where you go, so love where you came from and enjoy your life in Calgary too.

This article is part of our humour section.