Go touch some rubber at a sex shop — you’ll thank me later

By Lady Marmalade, October 11 2016 —

I’ve visited a few sex shops in my day. These are also commonly referred to as adult stores, toy stores or “that place where I bought my first butt plug.”

If you’ve never been to one of these places before, I highly recommend it. Not only are they great resources for bachelorette party supplies like penis-shaped lollipops and “pin the cock on the jock” party games, but they provide a wealth of knowledge for any sexual escapade.

The first step to checking out your first sex shop is finding a good location. Looking up reviews online usually helps. This is really important — if the first shop you visit is a For Lovers Only behind a KFC, you might have bad time.

What you’re looking for is something that looks like it’s going to be brightly lit and have lots of space. Small, claustrophobic incense-filled rooms with bulk bins of vibrators will surely put you in stress mode. The first time you embark in one of these places should be a safe and welcoming experience. You should be ID’d when you walk in and the person working the counter should make you feel comfortable so you can ask for help when needed.

The ideal sex shop is best described as a “Blockbuster for dildos.” Not only is it spacious and brightly lit, but you shouldn’t feel any shame for being there. You know why you are there, you know why everyone else is there and they all know why you’re there. There’s no judgement.

Once you’ve found your sexual holy grail, if you don’t know something, ask. I’ve spend a lot of my time in sex shops asking the person behind the counter questions like “which lube is the least sticky?,” “have you ever tried the Silicone Fist 2.0?” and “what the hell is a ‘jack-in-the-crack’ and why does it have a face?” If the person you’re talking to makes you feel comfortable asking these questions, you’ll feel right at home. If not, go somewhere else.

For couples looking to spice things up in the bedroom, go together. Pick out some new toys together. Try something daring. What’s great about shops like this is that usually you can find a “beginner’s set” for a really light transition into something new, whether it be bondage, butt play or just some edible lingerie.

And have fun. Stick your fingers in the “so-real sex dolls” and squeeze every dildo you can find. Look at the really expensive, sleek vibrators and maybe even buy one. Hell, you might even pick up a couple jack-in-the-cracks. Go with a friend and talk about sex.

Make sure the person who does your transaction takes the toy out of the package and tests it out on the counter. This is fun to watch and a part of the purchase to make sure what you’re buying works properly. So leave your pride at the door and walk into that store.