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University of Calgary opens Hate Centre on campus for all of your hate needs

By Drew Thomas, November 22 2016 —

After several controversial incidents this semester sparked debate about the extent to which freedom of speech should be protected in public spaces, the University of Calgary has put forth plans to develop a Hate Centre. The centre will provide a safe place for those wishing to express hateful messages.

The Hate Centre will allow disgruntled individuals to speak their minds and openly spew whatever bigoted or archaic values they may possess.

“We can all agree that our school is falling behind on being inclusive of all peoples on campus,” U of C vice-provost hate Luke Lancaster said while responding to the seventh notice of a hateful act on campus today. “Though the creation of such spaces is not easy for all of us — some might even say they hate the idea — this is the best idea we could come up with to address this controversial issue.”

Additionally, the Hate Centre will protect the student body from being ambushed with images of fetuses, anti-LGBTQ protesters or anti-Muslim posters on their way to class.

The original suggestion came when an exasperated student brought the idea to administration after seeing an aborted fetus for the 19th time between MacHall and Science B.

“I’m not suggesting that we provide them with free license to hate across campus,” first-year  geology student Hayley Hinton said. “So why don’t we just shove them all into an isolated room and let them hate?”

Though the plan was immediately discounted as a really, really bad idea, it began gaining traction among students and faculty recently.

Besides the obvious benefits of creating an isolated space for these individuals to speak, the Hate
Centre has the potential to become an outlet for students of all backgrounds to unite together in hate.

“Do you hate oranges — navel or mandarin? Do you hate leg day? Tell us about it at the Hate Centre,” Lancaster said. “Do you hate when people talk about hating leg day? Even better. Come to the Hate Centre.”

Lancaster even has a solution for those who dislike the implementation of the centre.

“Do you hate that we even have a Hate Centre? Perfect. Tell us all about it in the Hate Centre,” Lancaster said.

The ability for individuals to openly rant in the Hate Centre will help students de-stress during difficult times of the school year including exam break, final papers and shitty group projects with members that don’t contribute a single thing.

“Forget a puppy room — I would take a hate room any day during exams,” second-year international relations major Wanda Winters said.

Professors are also excited to rant about that student who always shows up late and plays Hearthstone in the third row.

“No other university is addressing this issue in the same way as we are,” Lancaster said. “The U of C is excited that they could be the hate campus of Canada.”

The Hate Centre is currently accepting volunteers and slogan makers. The slogan currently with the most support is “The Hate Centre: We are not a safe space.”


This article is part of our humour section

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