By Frankie Hart, February 28 2019 —
After months of stagnation, the Students’ Union announced the opening of the Sour Boyz lemonade
“The best way to learn is by doing, and I felt I already learned so much that I was ready to do. I took a couple of loans, made some smart deals, started a Kickstarter and here we are, baby,” Pisciare said. “I did my research and I know this thing’s going to start pulling in mad coin. I’ll give a shiny percentage to Haskayne and they’ll let me graduate early. They’ll probably make me a professor, actually.”
Curiously, the stand itself doesn’t actually sell lemonade. Most of the stand’s items are lemonade-themed merch, ranging from stickers and T-shirts to cologne and Tupperware. As for consumable products, there are only two.
“The most important thing is to build a brand. We took a very simple concept and made really cool merch to make it fashionable. The product has to be cool too, so instead of just selling lemonade, we’re selling lemonade-flavoured vape juice,” Pisciare explained.
The other product is ‘Wemon Wedges’ — a bowl of lemon slices dipped in sugar. Pisciare explained that the name and branding is meant to capture the female market.
“Girls don’t really vape, so I wanted to double the market by catering to them. Females are sweet and sour, so what better product than sugar lemons?” Pisciare said.
Although a pizza vendor was meant to take over the space, the SU explained that the benefits of the lemonade stand far outweighed potential demand for pizza and that the previous agreement with a pizza vendor had complications.
“Basically, he said he would give us double the money. We were like, ‘Damn, that’s a lot of money,’ ” said SU vice-president operations and finance Kevin Dang. “Yeah, that’s basically it.”
When asked about making up for the exorbitant cost to the SU, Pisciare simply replied, “Just wait ‘til I blow up, bro” and took a long citrus puff on his vape.
This article is part of our humour section.