Opinions & Features Workshop (Oct 26th)

Photo edited by Mariah Wilson; illustration courtesy of Creative Commons

The signs need a break

By Ramiro Bustamante Torres, February 21 2021—


January 21 – February 19

Taking this opportunity to focus on your crafting hobbies, you decide to finally make a Harry Styles-inspired cardigan you saw last summer. Once you finish it you can’t wait to wear it at your next zoom meeting and show it off.


February 20 – March 20

With Taylor Swift’s re-release of Fearless coming, you decide to book off the whole week to listen to “Love Story (Taylor’s Version)” and re-experience your teenage years.


March 21 – April 20

As a New Years’ resolution, you wanted to improve your skating skills. So take this opportunity to practice your skating and by the end of the week you’ll pull off a triple axel on your first try. The rush will last you until finals season.


April 21 – May 20

Taking the words “reading break” seriously you avoid reading anything for the whole week. You’ll probably have someone else read this to you.


May 21 – June 21

You spend your whole break trying to find the cover of a song you heard a while ago because it had a specific vibe to it. By the time Sunday before classes comes, you will find that it was actually a live version that you recorded and it was in your phone all this time.


June 22 – July 22

Without school keeping you busy, you impulsively buy multiple plants to fill the space around you. To your dismay, many of the plants you chose are on the higher-maintenance side and once classes start, half of them won’t make it.


August 23 – September 21

Undeterred by the polar vortex dropping temperatures rivalling the South Pole, you still decide to hike all week. You proudly post pictures of your hike on your social media accounts to flex how you’re too hot to get cold in this weather.


August 22 – September 22

Distraught that you have to take a break and scared to lose the momentum you’ve built up until this point, you decide to delegate tasks to yourself everyday — like cleaning your neighborhood park. Your actions will inspire those around you, but your motives will worry your friends. Please take a break.


September 23 – October 22

You decide to watch all the movies you had put off seeing this week. While binge watching, you live-tweet your commentary. An actor sees your criticism, which will spark a Twitter feud, but you’re too busy watching movies to notice it. By the time you check your notifications, you’ll see that you have already been blocked by said actor. 


October 23 – November 22

Using Valentine’s Day as an excuse to show your Instagram followers how good you look in red, you decide to have a photoshoot with all your red outfits that you have been saving. A hundred pictures later, you struggle deciding which one is best. You forget about your post and just take more pictures.


November 23 – December 21

The winter blues have gotten to you, and you find yourself stalking your ex’s social media accounts to find that they have deleted them all. This leads you to do a full-blown investigation, interrogating friends and family until they reach out to you and say that they have been “working on themselves.” Being very anticlimactic, it makes you quickly lose interest and you forget about it all, as if nothing happened.


December 22 – January 20

Needing a break, you decide to take up yoga and you find a set of instructional YouTube videos that you are really enjoying. The only issue is that you’re practicing yoga at 3 a.m. since your sleep schedule was thrown off balance. This worries your roommates, sparking a well-meaning intervention.

This article is part of our humour section.

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