Top five ways to deal with the post-election blues

By Derek Baker, October 20 2015 —

The 42nd Canadian general election came to a close on Monday evening, ending with it the attack ads, feverish debates and insistent Get-Out-The-Vote campaigns. With this election reigning as the longest in modern Canadian history, it’s hard to remember a time when we weren’t constantly bombarded with politics. Fear not, new political activist — there are ways to cope with the post-election blues.

Keep voting: The polls may be closed but that doesn’t need to stop you from voting. Don’t like your boss? Organize your co-workers and try to vote them out. Mediocre prof? Call an election and elect that try-hard in the middle of the second row to be your new instructor. Can’t decide what to do your friends on a Friday night? Elect a leader of your crew and let them do the decision making. Democracy is cool.

Facebook purge: Regardless of whether or not the party you voted for won, scroll through your timeline and consider deleting those political cartoons and links from the party’s official Facebook page. You may wonder, “how will my friends know that I am very politically informed and have very strong opinions?” Rest assured. We know.

Switch to L’Oreal® shampoo: The foremost matter of this election was Justin Trudeau’s hair, and rightfully so. Without that shiny, perfect hair, how else can he be expected to lead the middle class to the prosperity they deserve? Channel your inner Justin and use his favourite shampoo brand every morning in the shower. You too can have hair perfect enough to overshadow all issues in your life.

Become irrelevant: Life is a whole lot simpler when you don’t need to worry about trying to make something of yourself. Resign yourself to mediocrity, and follow the example of the Bloc Quebecois — or should I say Bloc Quebecqui?

Complain: Even if the party you voted for won, nothing’s really going to change. Join in on Alberta’s favourite hobby — complaining about things we have no control over. Winter too cold? It’s the government’s fault. Bad mark on a midterm? The government did it. Why take responsibility for your problems when you can pass the buck on to Ottawa?