Money-saving tips and tricks for MacHall eating

By Frankie Hart, September 5 2018 —

The student debt is too real, folks. Just because you need to cut down on some bills doesn’t mean you should sacrifice nutrition! These thrifty tips will keep you fed and frugal.

Campus tea:

Combine free hot water from the Tim Hortons Express with leaves found on plants around campus for a healthy and unique ‘Dinos’ tea. You can flex on the ‘gram that your drink is cruelty-free, vegan, unprocessed, nasty, recycled and 100 per cent natural.

Napkin origami:

Distract yourself from your hungry stomach by crafting intricate origami on flimsy napkins. If it gets too tough, you can always eat the napkin. Fibre is good for you!

Food alchemy:

Scavenge for leftovers from the garbage while heckling other MacHall customers for their waste and make a new, unique food item. If you get really lucky, you may find multiples of the same item to make a whole item, good as new! It only takes about six
discarded iced caps to make a new one. What a save.

Elaborate distraction:

If your friends are also in need of food, co-ordinate an elaborate scheme in which two of you fake a fight on one end of MacHall. As patrons abandon their food items to see what all the hubbub is about, the others will snatch enough food for all of you, like birds of prey. Or vultures. Depends if you’re balding yet or not.

Donations out of good will:

Plant yourself in front of someone with a full plate and hit ‘em with the ol’ puppy dog eyes. Who could resist that face? If they won’t budge, tell them they can list this act as volunteering on their co-curricular record.

Trick the senses:

Find someone enjoying a nice meal and get in tune with them. Follow their mouth movements with your eyes, mimicking them with your own lips. Smell the aroma of the food. Chew thoughtfully as if it’s in your own mouth. This spiritual connection to both food and another person is like chicken soup for the soul. Who said nutrition is only on the physical level?

This article is part of our humour section.