Anti-weed task force harasses students with spray bottles

By Frankie Hart, October 19 2018 —

With the legalization of cannabis, the University of Calgary has prohibited on-campus consumption. Although there is no outright punishment for toking, the university has established a student-led task force to combat offenders by spraying them with water. Leader of the task force, third-year student Natalie Narcerson, emphasized the need for an adequate penalty for blazing.

“Direct confrontation is the only way to address this problem,” Narcerson said. “Do you really think begging a pothead to ‘pwease put out that phattie’ would be effective?”

The Doobie Do-Gooders Task Force had been debating the best method with which to discourage pot-partaking on campus for weeks before finally settling on spray bottles.

“We determined it to be the best solution as water will render their weed soggy and inflammable. Stoners also seem to react negatively to being sprayed in the face with water,” Narcerson explained.

Though the task force was initially peaceful in its measures, things quickly escalated as Narcerson reportedly started confiscating weed and weed paraphernalia from students. University administration was eventually forced to dismantle the Doobie Do-Gooders after the group started inciting violence against students. After investigation, it was revealed that Narcerson had turned the Do-Gooders into a business, reselling the hydroponic her group had confiscated.

“My original intention with the Do-Gooders was truly to do good,” explained Narcerson. “But once I got a taste of power, I couldn’t stop.”

Narcerson has been granted the “Side Hustle of the Year” award by the Hunter Hub for Entrepreneurial Thinking for her “dedication to the grind.”

This article is part of our humour section.