How to convince yourself you’re just about to study for finals

By Frankie Hart, November 23 2018 —

Stuck in a rut? Procrastinating the day away? Watching a show that you’re barely paying attention to because you’re simultaneously scrolling through social media on your phone, which you are also barely paying attention to? Feeling that impending final date creep near but still not panicked enough to actually do something? Reading this? Here are some tips that won’t necessarily help you start studying, but they’ll help you at least feel like you’re about to.

Buy more pens you don’t need:

It’s a small price to pay for productivity, unless you buy the expensive ones, which are so much better. Don’t all those different colours get you excited to make some nice, colour-coordinated notes? No? You already bought a pack of pens last time you had this problem? Well, you can get a different pack and unlock a whole new realm of colour schemes. If you buy them at a Walmart, you can also treat yourself to the in-store McDonald’s and cry into a Double Quarter Pounder with Cheese™. You need brain food, after all!

Craft the perfect study playlist:

How’s anyone supposed to think without the perfect ambience? You have a lot of important decisions to make here. Will you include songs with vocals or will lyrics be too distracting? How many songs from The Social Network soundtrack is too many? Every decision is crucial, so treat them as if they alone will determine whether you will get an A or an F on your final. This is the most important thing you could be working on right now. Make sure your playlist is at least eight hours long before you proceed. It’s annoying you when start to hear it loop.

Down some coffee:

Listen kid, playtime is over. It’s time to get crackin’. You’re going to want the liquid equivalent of a kick to the heart, so choose wisely. You can get a cold brew — a coffee that drank a coffee — or maybe a couple because you really gotta get going. Now your hands are trembling so much that you can barely write a sentence. Perfect!

Set up your study space:

It’s important to set up the ideal space for you to comfortably study. Find a suitable surface and spread out all the materials that you’ll need. Maybe light a nice candle. Make yourself a hot cup of tea to keep you going through the session. It’s a little chilly in here, isn’t it? Grab a blanket and swaddle yourself in it. Find yourself a comfortable position, because you’re going to be staring at nothing for the next hour or so.

Actually start studying:

You didn’t think all this advice would actually lead nowhere, did you? It’s time to go through the semester’s material and rewrite the most important points into a notebook. First, write the class title on the top right corner of the page. Then write the subject at the top. You did it! You officially started studying! Surely, everything will take off without a hitch from here. You can offer me thanks for this wisdom with a cold brew.