Injuries related to auto-erotic lava lamp usage increases across campus

By Evan Lewis, January 25 2018 —

In recent weeks, a new trend has swept across the University of Calgary campus as students experiment with auto-erotic lava lamp usage. This unique form of self-pleasure originated in Great Britain in the ‘60s and ‘70s when the lava lamp — originally called the “astro lamp” — was first invented. At the time, the act was referred to as “a cheeky trip to space.” Personal lava lamp stimulation has recently been reborn on university campuses across North America.

However, the injuries that eventually caused the method to fall out of popularity in the late ‘70s have seen a resurgence as well.

“People don’t understand the risks involved,” said Maia Amani, a sexual health expert at the U of C. “They don’t consider that some things are just not made to interact with the human body in that way. For those wishing to explore this side of their sexuality, I would strongly encourage them to keep their engagement with their lamp on a visual level.”

Amani noted that those who find themselves drawn to lava lamps in this way are not abnormal.

“No one is a deviant here. Studies have shown that lava lamp attraction is surprisingly common — roughly one in every 1,000 people surveyed report feeling sensations associated with sexual attraction when viewing lava lamp movement. If heated paraffin wax lit from below gets you going, there’s nothing wrong with that. The problem arises when users don’t take into account their own health and safety.”

The Gauntlet spoke to a pair of U of C students involved in managing an Instagram page called “Lava Lamp Lust,” where followers are encouraged to contribute pictures, memes, advice and questions related to the sexual use of lava lamps.

“There is, of course, the method you might expect when looking upon the shapely form of a lava lamp,” one of the page managers, who wished to remain anonymous, said. “That takes a kind of bravery in and of itself. But those who have dived deep into experimentation have found many different ways to receive pleasure from this incredible ornament.”

The other page manager chimed in, blushing a deep crimson. 

“Not everyone engages with their lamp in this way,” they said. “The simple act of turning on my lamp is incredibly sensual. Sometimes I love just staring into it’s deep, pahoehoe-like core. That wild, energetic bubbling… It’s a slow, undulating pleasure, one that builds and builds until… well, you know.”

Similar “Lava Lamp Lust” pages have been set up on Facebook, a subreddit — /r/rayleigh-taylor — has also appeared, with both pages having dedicated discussion of self-gratification with the use of lava lamps. Similarly, a number of YouTube channels have been created for videos in which a narrator softly whispers sweet nothings over lava lamp footage.

Those interested in learning more about precautions to take when engaging with lava lamps can find information at the Students’ Union Wellness Centre or the Calgary Sexual Health Centre.

This article is part of our humour section.