Top-five tips for Thursden

By Melanie Woods, September 10 2015 —

The Den’s official student appreciation night, known as Thursden, is a night of drunken debauchery and poor choices. Every Thursday, students gather at the Den to dance, drink and do things they’ll regret later.

Whether you’re in the first or final year of your degree, odds are you’ll end up at Thursden some point this year, so we prepared five simple tips for surviving Thursden.

1. Go with friends. If you don’t have friends, don’t worry. No one does. Every human’s conception of “friends” is actually just a figment of our imaginations that prevents us from succumbing to the crippling realization that we were all born alone and will die alone. Don’t worry, it’s not just you.

2. Appreciate the new renovations. The Den is now decorated in a grey “Chicago-style” brick, which helps you feel like you’re in an abandoned warehouse on the docks of Detroit about to do a deal for the mob. The lights are also bright and industrial, so you will now be able to see every pore and blemish on the people around you. Oh no! Where did those grotesque boils come from?

3. Take advantage of the drink specials. Order a triple long-island iced tea pitcher, two shots of Jäeger, a pint of Coors Banquet and a hot cup of extra-strong earl grey tea. Combine them all together in your buddy’s Converse shoe and see how fast you can drink it. I’m pretty sure that’s what the kids are doing these days.

4. Let loose. For some, this means dancing on top of a speaker. For you, this means bursting forth from your mortal skin and revealing your true immaterial form, incinerating all that look upon you.

5. Don’t go to Thursden. Love yourself.