The top four people you shouldn’t talk about sex with

By Jill Girgulis, January 26 2016 —

With the Students’ Union’s annual Sex Week upon us, students are encouraged to have frank discussions about sex. However, it’s hard to know who to talk with about sex and who to avoid. Some people lead to scintillating conversations, while others to awkward encounters. But for everyone’s sake, please don’t talk about sex with any of these people.

Your dentist: They like to make small talk, but still. You risk mispronunciation when you try explaining your sex life with a mouth full of fluoride trays. “Condom” starts to sound like “gonorrhea” and suddenly you’re in a heap of trouble.

Your hairdresser: You’re seeking a snazzy new ‘do, they’re seeking a nice fat tip. You both have priorities. Getting your hair cut is a big deal — one wrong hairstyle can shatter your social status — so keep things professional and refrain from chatting with your stylist about the nasty stuff. Remember the Golden Rule: don’t tell the person wielding scissors intimate details of every single one of your sexual exploits.

Your blog’s devoted fan-base: Your dank movie memes blog is finally starting to gain traction — but do you really want to alienate three of those four dedicated followers with a particularly crude American Pie meme referencing your latest adventurous night out? This isn’t technically talking about sex, but you know what they say — a picture’s worth a thousand words, and that’s a whole lot of dirty talk.

Your grandma: I think it’s safe to say that the majority of elderly matriarchs prefer conversing with their grandchildren about safe topics like fixing bingo matches and stealing dentures. But hey, your grandma might be saucier than most. Just don’t talk about sex with your grandmother via social media, or else risk her accidentally posting your sexual history as a “fun” status update.