Eight things you need to know about legal weed

By Matty Hume, October 17 2018 —

It’s official. As of today, the use of recreational cannabis is now legal in every province and territory in Canada. But each municipality is taking on the big change in their own way. Here are eight things you need to know about using recreational cannabis in Calgary.

1. Every legal retailer has to purchase their cannabis products from the Alberta Gaming, Liquor and Cannabis Commission (AGLCC).

Since the distribution of cannabis has been left to the provinces, Alberta chose to keep the sale of recreational cannabis in the hands of the AGLCC. According to the Star, the AGLCC will sell their cannabis at an average of $8.90 per gram. Honestly, that’s pretty good. Apparently the least expensive legal gram in the Northwest Territories is $17.50. That sucks ass, man. It’s already cold there. And they don’t even have a sun sometimes! Not that you should look at it anyway. You ever see 30 Days of Night? They have vampires up there and you’re still making them pay the cost of nine Jr. Chickens for a gram. I swear Big Macs used to be bigger.

2. Recreational cannabis use is not permitted on public property, including post-secondaries like the University of Calgary.

The U of C released its Cannabis Policy on Sept. 24, which took effect today. The university’s policy simply adopts the bylaws put in place by the City of Calgary, meaning staff, students and Dominos drivers are prohibited from taking heavy tokes to the dome on campus. I hope we get to watch a video in class today. Remember when you just, like, watched a movie in school sometimes? There was this episode of the Magic School Bus where they were learning about bats and all the kids thought Ms. Frizzle was a vampire. Why do you keep bringing up vampires?

3. No I’m not nervous.

Why would you ask someone that? I’ve never been nervous.

4. You can order cannabis online, but expect a wait until the excitement dies down.

Each province has a government controlled online storefront for recreational cannabis. The Alberta site went live at midnight on Oct. 17, but users were quickly placed in a prepared queue to enter the site, with their “place in line” quickly reaching the thousands. Imagine being 7000th person in line at a store. But the store is in your computer. Not like inside your computer but like in the internet where the little weed droids grow your weed online and you download it. If you squint your ears a little, Bram Stoker sounds kinda like Bram Toker. Dude was definitely sucking back spliffs when he wrote Dracula. I wonder if Dracula ever got high and accidentally munched some garlic. Shit, I need to pick up some garlic.

5. Garlic

6. Cereal

7. Pizza pops

This article is part of our humour section.