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Student in residence changes cooking forever

By Melanie Bethune, February 12 2015 —

Dining options for students in residence have never been ideal. From the monotonous dining centre menu to the warm allure of Kraft Dinner, students without full kitchens are left with little room for creativity. However, a sudden burst of inspiration in second-year English student Melissa Woods’ Yamnuska Hall apartment prompted the creation of a dish that has left many calling her the visionary of a generation.

“I was just about to microwave my usual Tuesday night four-cheese Pizza Pop when something in the mini-fridge caught my eye,” she said.“It was like a vision from above. I swear, I heard God or Beyonce or something speaking to me in that moment.”

Woods proceeded to remove a small brick of half-used orange cheddar cheese from her mini-fridge and grate it on top of the Pizza Pop. She then microwaved the concoction for the recommended three-and-half minutes on a single piece of Costco-brand paper towel.

“The moment that timer went off and I could smell that sweet, sweet cheddar, I knew I had something special,” Woods said. “I didn’t have any clean plates so I just slid the whole thing out of the microwave and onto an old physics binder I don’t use anymore.”

Woods tweeted a photo of the dish along with the caption, “lolz #rezlife.”

The tweet blew up. Within minutes, culinary giants across the world reacted. Notorious TV chef Gordon Ramsay called the dish “a fuckin’ work of fuckin’ art,” while Guy Fieri of Diners, Drive-ins and Dives requested to profile Woods on an upcoming episode.

“I will drive my radical red Camero all the way up to Alberta in February just to taste that baby,” Fieri said, sweatily.

The dish has already opened up dozens of opportunities for Woods. She is rumoured to be getting her very own show on Food Network Canada and Pilsbury has put a pre-made version of the delicacy into the works.

Copycats across campus have tried to duplicate Woods’ success, grating cheese on top of everything from Eggo Waffles to PB & J. But none have managed to capture the magic of Woods’ culinary genius .

“There’s something about the combination of interior and exterior cheese,” she said. “Don’t ask me why it works, I just know that it does.”

Representatives from the faculty of science have confirmed Woods’ claims.

“Science says that the combination of cheese, flash-frozen Pizza Pop dough and fresh cheddar is what we scientists call magic,” professor Pete Hawkes said. “This girl really has changed the world.”

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