I am Mrs. Higgins: a review of The Bachelor

By Jill Girgulis, February 9 2016 —

You may have heard of a little television program called The Bachelor.

When I first discovered this dating reality show, I was more than a little skeptical. Twenty-five women willingly toss their self-respect to the curb on the off-chance that they would end up falling in love with the predetermined bachelor, said bachelor’s feelings would be mutual and that their less-than-attractive behavior during the taping of the show wouldn’t be enough to compromise their recent engagement. I maintained these opinions for years, until I finally caught up with The Bachelor: Season 20, featuring doe-eyed Ben Higgins.

Ben Higgins is not a man. Ben Higgins is a concept. Ben Higgins is everything.

Almost instantly, I knew this season was going to be phenomenal. Four episodes in, I have yet to be disappointed.

In episode one, the introduction gimmicks were amusing. Ben looked as cute as a newborn infant in a tuxedo, there were twins competing for the same man, Ben was as adorably awkward as a tiger cub on ice skates, a mini horse made an appearance and Ben was the ideal guy to bring to your grandma’s nursing home.

In episode two, Ben and the ladies approached love and relationships through a scientific lens. Personally, I feel like Ben should’ve been more concerned that he didn’t generate a higher compatibility score than 7.42 out of 10 with any of the women. Ben, coincidentally, would be one hundred per cent compatible with me because I know every detail about his life and family.

Soccer was the activity of choice for episode three’s big group date. Ben is the most realistic fake soccer player I have ever seen. He could put World Cup players to shame. I would literally travel around the world to watch him play every single day.

Last week, the whole crew packed their bags for Las Vegas, which was exciting until I realized the talent show featured the skills of the women instead of the bachelor himself. What a shame. Ben is officially the best applauder I know. An audio clip of his clapping should win Record of the Year at the Grammys.

Next week, Ben and the remaining ten women will head to Mexico City, but I wouldn’t recommend watching unless it’s just my husband Ben on the screen.