Civil War: there were superheroes

By Jill Girgulis, May 17 2016 —

There was only one question on everyone’s minds as the world awaited the much-hyped Captain America: Civil War — are you #TeamVisionSweaters or #TeamCapBiceps?

Directors Joe and Anthony Russo prove that brotherly love can create movie magic with their conclusion to the Captain America trilogy. In the their second attempt at making the blond 97-year-old super soldier watchable, heroes are pitted against each other in teams led by the titular Captain America/Steve Rogers and fellow Avenger Iron Man/Tony Stark, giving the franchise plenty of material to merchandise.

A lot of people love this movie. One who won’t: Joss Whedon.

To buff up their rosters, Tony and Cap recruit a slew of fresh-faced and familiar superheroes. But which B-list hero makes the best entrance? Is it Ant-Man, who’s roused from a nap to fanboy over Captain America? How about ol’ faithful Hawkeye, who bails on family water-skiing to do some sweet avenging? A case could be made for Black Panther, who proves he’s the superhero with the best nails. Or perhaps even Spider-Man, a pre-pubescent web-slinger with eyes on becoming Tony Stark’s adopted son, thus allowing him to appear in a million more movies in the future.

Team Cap loses much of their street cred by refusing to acknowledge each other’s superhero names — Steve, Bucky, Sam, Wanda, Scott and Clint sound more like the cast of a Friends spinoff than a squad of badass superheroes.

The movie does a mediocre job resuscitating Black Widow’s image after she was saddled with the least convincing romantic subplot of all time in Avengers: Age of Ultron. She kicks an acceptable amount of ass, while still sporting a Pantene blowout and low-cut top.

Fans may be disappointed by Cap’s lack of screen time in his own movie, but rest assured -— there will be ample opportunity for more appearances of everyone’s favourite genetically modified human, with 70 more Marvel movies planned for release this upcoming year.

This article is part of our humour section.