Student wins philanthropist award for doing dishes drunk

By Frankie Hart, September 18 2018 —

After an absolute rager of a residence “get-together”, party-goers were shocked to discover fellow student Ivanna Ivre doing the dishes despite being absolutely trashed.

“Most people would just leave the mess for someone else to deal with, but Ivanna has a compassionate heart and is always thinking of others,” commented a fellow party-goer.

It was noted that Ivre doesn’t even live in that res suite nor did she have a close relationship to the party-thrower.

“I don’t know, I just saw the mess and I was like, ‘Whoa, that’s a lot of dishes’ I figured maybe I should help,” Ivre explained, still noticeably inebriated.

Despite her best efforts, drunk dishes are no easy task. In the process, Ivre dropped a bowl on another student’s foot, causing them to cry. Other casualties include two glasses and one plate that slipped out of Ivre’s wet hands, her co-ordination impaired.

When asked about these incidents, Ivre commented, “My bad.”

Ivre spent a total of three and a half hours doing the dishes — not including a short nap — and finished at approximately 5 a.m., after which she promptly passed out underneath the collapsable kitchen table that was “totally not” being used for beer pong.

For her consideration of others, persistence in the face of adversity and can-do attitude, Ivre has been given the “Sparkly Heart Emoji” award from the University of Calgary. The award includes a $500 prize and a 50 per cent discount on hi-balls at the Den for the remainder of her degree.

When asked for comment, the party-thrower was not pleased.

“She broke all my fucking dishes! Those were my only two glasses!”

This article is part of our humour section.