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Why my cat would make a better premier than Danielle Smith

By Josie Simon, March 6 2024—

In a surprising turn of events that has left Albertans in disbelief, it has become increasingly clear that my cat, Blue, would make a better premier than Danielle Smith.  

Smith’s relentless opposition to renewable energy, evidenced by the suspension of new wind and solar projects, undermines Alberta’s journey toward a cleaner and sustainable energy future. This regressive stance not only disregards the widespread support for renewables among Albertans but also jeopardizes vital investments and job prospects.  

By prioritizing fossil fuels over clean alternatives, Smith’s actions impede progress and hinder rural municipalities dependent on renewable energy. Meanwhile, the global transition to renewables offers a solution to combat climate change and ensure a sustainable future, making Smith’s resistance a major obstacle to necessary progress.  

In a whisker’s twist, Blue, with her inquisitive and earth-loving nature, pawsitively champions renewable energy solutions and a transition to using sunbeams for power. Embodying a vision aligned with global trends, Blue advocates for a harmonious balance between economic growth and protecting the ancient catnip fields. 

Smith’s proposed policies targeting transgender youth, such as requiring parental notifications and restricting access to gender-affirming healthcare, have been strongly condemned by legal scholars for their blatant violation of fundamental constitutional rights. These measures directly infringe on freedom of expression, the right to life and security of the person, protection against cruel and unusual treatment, and the guarantee of equality under the law, as outlined in the Charter of Rights and Freedoms.  

On the other paw, Blue’s compassionate leadership style advocates for inclusion, respect, and dignity for all individuals, no matter the number of tails or whiskers they may have. In upholding basic feline rights and promoting social welfare, Blue would never support discriminatory policies that threaten the well-being of vulnerable transgender kittens for purrs or treats.  

Blue recognizes the expertise of medical healthcare providers and believes in the importance of informed decision-making on matters of gender identity, understanding that each cat’s journey is unique and deserving of respect. 

Smith’s recent introduction of the “Alberta Sovereignty within a United Canada Act” represents a dangerous erosion of democratic principles, as it grants her cabinet the authority to unilaterally amend existing legislation without the consent of the legislature. This blatant power grab undermines the rule of law and places unchecked authority in the hands of a single individual. 

Contrary to this power play, Blue’s respect for scratching post boundaries and adherence to the tuna-treat routine is a poignant reminder of the importance of respecting justice and fairness in governance. 

Smith’s “compassionate conservatism” concept appears mired in the rhetoric of wealth creation and economic pursuits, with little emphasis on genuine empathy and social welfare.  

Meanwhile, Blue is a straight-shooter who always follows through on her promises. With a genuine desire to uplift those in need, Blue would redefine the essence of compassionate governance, focusing on mental wellness, social cohesion, and the well-being of all residents. In Blue’s realm, compassion is not just a buzzword but a guiding principle that shapes policies and decisions for the betterment of society. 

The choice between Danielle Smith and Blue as premier of Alberta is clear. While Smith’s regressive policies and authoritarian tendencies threaten the environment, human rights, and democratic principles, Blue represents a vision of leadership rooted in compassion, sustainability, and inclusivity. 

As Albertans look towards the future, it is clear that Blue’s pawprints lead us towards a brighter, more equitable tomorrow.   

This article is part of our humour section.

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