Guy you went to high school with still brazenly wearing shorts outside

By Frankie Hart, October 3 2019 —

Despite the chill and slush, a student was spotted unabashedly sporting basketball shorts on campus on Sept. 30. Brandon, that dude you went to high school with, was seen making the trek from Craigie Hall to EEEL with exposed calves. Despite the apparent redness of his skin, he insisted that his clothing was weather-appropriate.

“I’m not even cold,” Brandon said, through chattering teeth. “I was born in Calgary, baby, of course I‘m used to this.”

Brandon inadvertently became a campus landmark, easily identifiable by his Fox hoodie and frozen into place on the TFDL quad. Though his legs were quite visibly encapsulated in ice, he maintained that he was fine.

“Seriously, you’re all acting like you’ve never seen it snow before. It’s Calgary. What do you expect?” Brandon said.

As the day wore on, Brandon instead started to insist that everyone else on campus was simply weaker than him.

“For real, I swear I just saw a dude wearing a parka. I was like, ‘Dude, I’m getting too warm just lookin’ at you.’ Some people just can’t handle the cold.” Brandon said.

By the evening, Brandon’s entire body was completely encased in ice. Still, his hand was frozen in a thumbs-up.

This article is part of our humour section.