Brave warrior exposes his hands to the cold to carry the Tim Hortons he bought after deciding to skip two classes and go home

By Mathew Reimer, October 9 2019 —

Cold days like this see many a student heading back to bed about as soon as they rise. Those that continue going about their business certainly have some commitment or drive to speak of. One such character could be seen walking past Craigie Hall, out towards the bus loop with a purposeful stride that cold morning. With complete disregard for the blistering cold, he held a Tim Hortons breakfast combo in his exposed hands.

I decided I had to interview this fellow to see if I could find out where a student could find such courage on a day like today. He gave a knowing smile when hearing my questions.

“I suppose I ought to credit my mother,” he said. “She taught me to never back down when the going gets tough.”

It was clear he was on a charted course towards the McMahon Stadium parking lot, and so I was drawn to ask him if he was finished school for the day.

“During my second lecture I realized that it didn’t really matter if I stayed for the rest of my classes, and I have a friend who can send me the notes for geology and calculus later anyways,” he said.

I started asking him about what he purchased from Tim Hortons, but when I looked at him again, it was clear he wasn’t listening. His expression had hardened, and he’d straightened his posture. He suddenly held himself with a cool indifference, as if anything could happen and it wouldn’t break his calm. Just then, two girls passed by us on our left towards the school.

A few moments after their passing he relaxed to his regular posture and turned to me, “You were saying?”

Only a few dozen feet before the parking lot, we arrived at a patch of sidewalk and ground that was completely covered by a sheet of sheer ice. I struggled to hold my balance while shuffling forward, but the brave student continued to stride forth boldly.

He looked back at me and said, “Oh don’t worry about me, I’m quite confident in my balance after all.”

Only a moment later, he stepped on a pine cone, which slipped from underneath his foot. Impressively, he managed to avoid falling backwards by whipping himself back up. Unfortunately, the contents of his coffee had been liberated from the cup, and were now covering his sleek blue winter coat.

“I thought it was a little cold just now, you see,” he said. I honestly thought he’d slipped, but it was clear now that this was all part of his plan.

We were about to finish our trek as we walked along the cars lining the parking lot when he got a sudden phone call.

“Oh hey mom,” he said. “No, I’ll actually be home in about 15 minutes…. Yeah, my math and geology profs both sent out emails saying they couldn’t make it because of the weather. Isn’t that crazy? … Alright love you too, bye.” He put the phone in his pocket, and looked directly at me with a complex look on his face. “I got those emails three minutes ago, isn’t that crazy?”

The question was almost a plea for affirmation, and I nodded along uncomfortably.

As I left the lot, I turned back to get a final glimpse at the formidable fellow. His car choked, refusing to start, and I could see him weeping in the driver’s seat.

This article is part of our humour section.