By Farah Refaey, October 28 2020—
Have you been mind-numbingly bored during quarantine? Well, stop talking about it because every single person on Earth has been quarantining too. Here’s a list of my favourite ways I’ve been occupying my time. Feel free to try some of these out, just don’t blame me when it goes sideways.
Cutting door-frame shaped holes into my walls in an attempt to find a tunnel that leads me to an alternate universe where my house and life are exactly the same, yet infinitely superior.
I just want to be Coraline. It’s all I think about. Pro-tip: Don’t do this. My walls are so ugly now.
Getting into arguments with random anti-maskers on Instagram.
It gives me a rush. It is my favourite self-care ritual.
Pranking my friends by texting them that I’m outside their house as if we had plans, when we don’t.
It makes me feel warm inside knowing I could just spice up their day from the comfort of my own home. Pro-tip: if they insist that you didn’t have plans, try saying things like: “How could you forget? We’ve been talking about this for so long!” Is this an awful thing to do? Don’t answer that. I don’t want to know.
Building a bunker in my basement.
For safety reasons, I will not be providing any more information.
Going to court.
This one is high-risk, high-reward. You have two choices. If you want the full luxury experience, you can choose to commit a crime and get the first-person perspective. I think this option is super fun because the trial would (hypothetically) be all about me! My favourite topic!
But, if for some reason you don’t feel like going to court just for the thrill, you can just show up. Just do it. Literally just go to court. I’ve been to hundreds of court hearings now and it is STILL kind of awkward if someone asks why I’m there. Does anyone have any tips for avoiding that? Mail in and let me know! My address is [REDACTED].
For legal reasons, I will not be disclosing which option I indulge in. I’ve also been asked to state that I am not condoning criminal activity.
This article is part of our humour section.