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Chappell Roan reveals your zodiac’s worst habits

By Josie Simon, June 22 2024—

Welcome to a different kind of horoscope, where the stars align not to guide but to expose. Chappell Roan, a queer icon and your favourite artist’s favourite artist, helps us delve into the zodiac’s darker corners. Here, you’ll discover your worst habits matched perfectly with the songs that encapsulate them.

Aries (March 21 – April 19): “Bad for You”

Aries, the assertive warrior. Your dark side is not just competitive; it is a demolition derby. “Bad for You” reflects your tendency to bulldoze through life, causing chaos without caring about collateral damage.

Taurus (April 20 – May 20): “Love Me Anyway”

Taurus, your fierce commitment borders on pathological. “Love Me Anyway” speaks to your stubbornness and possessiveness. The song’s haunting plea mirrors your fear of abandonment and relentless grip on relationships.

Gemini (May 21 – June 20): “Bitter”

Gemini, your dual nature leads you down shadowy paths. “Bitter” exposes your two-faced tendencies and love for gossip. You are a social chameleon who can sting with a smile, often leaving a wake of confusion and hurt.

Cancer (June 21 – July 22): “California”

Cancer, the emotional historian. “California” echoes your habit of clinging to grudges and emotional labyrinths. Your deep love can suffocate others with overly nostalgic narratives and emotional landmines.

Leo (July 23 – August 22): “Naked in Manhattan”

Leo, the drama queen. “Naked in Manhattan” captures your need for attention and theatrical antics. The song’s exuberant energy mirrors your desire to be seen and adored, even if it means dancing on the edge of sanity.

Virgo (August 23 – September 22): “Pink Pony Club”

Virgo, the perfectionist. “Pink Pony Club” reveals your hidden wish to let loose. You strive for unattainable perfection while battling inner chaos, often hiding your repressed rebellion behind a facade of order.

Libra (September 23 – October 22): “Femininomenon”

Libra, the eternal seeker of balance and an enigma wrapped in contradiction. “Femininomenon” unveils your dual nature, where charm and cunning intertwine, leaving a trail of both admiration and bewilderment.

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21): “Die Young”

Scorpio, the brooding anti-hero. “Die Young” feeds your attraction to intensity and danger. Your extreme emotions lead to self-destructive spirals. You romanticize ruin, often pulling others into your dark fantasies.

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21): “Red Wine Supernova”

Sagittarius, the thrill-seeker. “Red Wine Supernova” encapsulates your excessive tendencies and relentless pursuit of adventure. Your habit of chasing the next high leaves a wake of shattered promises and forgotten responsibilities.

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19): “Casual”

Capricorn, the emotionally detached strategist. “Casual” showcases your tendency to treat relationships like business transactions. You calculate risks and rewards, often confusing others with your cool, detached demeanour.

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18): “My Kink Is Karma”

Aquarius, the avant-garde enigma—”My Kink Is Karma” captures your rebellious spirit and unconventional nature. Your eccentricity often masks a deep-seated desire for justice, resulting in unpredictable behaviour that leaves others intrigued and puzzled.

Pisces (February 19 – March 20): “Sugar High”

Pisces, the dreamer. “Sugar High” echoes your escapism and fantasy worlds. Your head is often in the clouds, ignoring the harsh realities of life. Your desire to live in a fairytale can be charming but tragically self-sabotaging.

Everyone has a dark side, and Chappell Roan has a song for yours. Embrace it, understand it, and maybe—just maybe—learn to dance with it badly in your living room with the blinds closed.

This article is part of our humour section.

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