2022 SU General Election Full Supplement

Graphic by Sylvia Lopez

The top 10 reasons nobody wants to sit next to you during class 

By Josie Simon, October 24 2023—

University lectures can be long and tedious, but there is always that one person who manages to make it worse for everyone else. From Chatty Cathy to Typing Terror, these are the top ten types of people nobody wants to sit next to during class.  

1. The H2Oops: If your stainless-steel water bottle is making more noise than a heavy metal concert and you keep dropping it, it is time to switch to a sippy cup. Maybe then people will stop avoiding you like you are trying to sell them a timeshare.  

2. The Chatty Cathy: You know what they say — if you are not paying attention, you may as well gossip with a wall. But seriously, save the tea for after class and give your professor the respect they deserve. 

3. The Sinus Symphony: Congratulations, you have become the ultimate avoidable seatmate. You might consider staying home and binge-watching your favourite show instead of subjecting your classmates to your sniffling symphony. 

4. The Know-It-All: When a know-it-all starts asking irrelevant questions, it is like watching a squirrel try to solve a Rubik’s cube. And when they inevitably fail their midterm exams, they blame the professor instead of accepting that sometimes, even squirrels cannot crack the code. 

5. The Disruptor: If you want to be the most unliked person in class, keep shuffling in late and disrupting everyone. But hey, at least you will have the whole row to yourself.

6. The Typing Terror: If you keep typing like a woodpecker on steroids, you will soon be the lone island in a sea of empty seats, surrounded by tumbleweeds silently judging your aggressive typing skills. 

7. The Foodie: If you want to avoid being the classroom skunk, put down that tuna sandwich and try a granola bar instead. Your breath and your reputation will thank you. 

8. The Complainer: If complaining were an Olympic sport, you would be Michael Phelps and Usain Bolt combined. But since it is not, save all that energy and use it to pay attention in class instead. 

9. The Distractor: If your phone is lighting up like a Christmas tree, and you are pretending to take notes while swiping through Tinder, welcome to “How to pay $1000 for a course and learn absolutely nothing” — sponsored by your own lack of self-control. 

10. The Smelly Stranger: Let’s face it, no one wants to sit next to someone who smells like they just crawled out of a dumpster. Whether dousing yourself in perfume or forgetting to shower for a week, practicing good hygiene is key to being a pleasant seatmate. 

University lectures can be tough, and the last thing we need is to sit next to someone who makes it even worse. Remember, we are all in this together, and learning is always more enjoyable when we are not distracted by squirrel-like behaviour. 

Hiring | Staff | Advertising | Contact | PDF version | Archive | Volunteer | SU

The Gauntlet