Cultivating intimacy in our lives outside of romantic relationships
By Leigh Patrick, February 16 2025—
In modern society, intimacy is often reserved for romantic relationships, typically associated with sex and the partner with whom we share it. However, intimacy is much more than that—it’s a state of being unguarded and relaxed with someone. It involves feeling a deep, soulful connection. It’s unfortunate that, in our society, intimacy is seen as something exclusively romantic. Our lives are enriched by relationships beyond romance, such as family, friends and even ourselves. When we limit intimacy to romantic connections, we miss out on the opportunity to deeply connect and strengthen these other vital relationships. A romantic partnership cannot—and should not—be the sole source of emotional fulfillment. So, how can we foster intimacy in our lives beyond the romantic sphere?
Intimacy with oneself
The foundation of any relationship begins with you. Before we can cultivate deep and meaningful connections with others, we need to have one with ourselves. You don’t need to love yourself unconditionally, but it’s important to understand yourself.
Start by getting curious about who you are. What’s your current fixation? What excites you about life lately? Reflect on your priorities and what drags you down. Explore your inner sanctum, facing the parts of yourself you might usually avoid—or feel afraid of. You may be surprised by what you discover.
As you dive into this self-exploration, try capturing your findings in a journal. Write about your favourite song, your go-to meal or that soft sweater you can’t stop wearing. Over time, you’ll create a field guide to yourself—a collection of moments, quirks and truths that define you. There’s something so powerful about knowing yourself intimately. The confidence you’ll gain from this newfound knowledge is transformative.
Embrace the joy of being alone. Alone time can be one of life’s most precious gifts, offering space to reconnect with yourself. We often reserve thoughtful gestures for our romantic partners. Why not show ourselves that same affection?
Take yourself to dinner, tuck your phone away and savour the meal in front of you. Wander a bookstore, coffee in hand and relish in the peace of your own company. Stay in, order take-out and enjoy your favourite movie. Start that hobby you’ve been saying you want to try but can never find anyone to do with you. Let the moment be about you.
We’ve been with ourselves from the very beginning and deserve to be celebrated. Investing time, love and effort into yourself is one of the most rewarding gifts you can give.
The power of platonic relationships
Friendship is powerful but often overlooked in a romance-focused world. Intimacy in friendships is a profound bond built on trust, love and respect. It means sharing parts of yourself with someone who not only listens but reciprocates. Yet, how often do we take these relationships for granted, assuming they will always be there—sturdy and stable, requiring little effort compared to romantic partnerships? Friendship provides joy and fulfillment when nurtured.
Cultivating intimacy in friendships can begin with a few simple habits. Start by regularly checking in with your friends to catch up. While we often call our romantic partners to share updates and frustrations, our friends deserve the same attention. Whether it’s through text, video calls or voice memos, keeping your friends updated on your life and asking about theirs fosters connection. These check-ins don’t always have to be lengthy; even a short “thinking of you today” text can go a long way in showing love and appreciation while laying the groundwork for deeper intimacy.
Friendship thrives on curiosity and mutual effort. Give them space to share the humorous encounters with coworkers or the latest happenings in their relationships and other areas of life. Ask thoughtful questions, actively listen and be present. Celebrate their successes, support them through their losses and create space for vulnerability. In turn, be willing to open up and share your own.
There’s something profoundly cathartic—and beautifully human—about sitting with a friend, crying over milkshakes and unearthing your deepest fears. Sometimes, a friend can understand you in ways a romantic partner simply can’t.
Just as date nights deepen romantic relationships, they can do the same for friendships. Plan friend dates. Plan a game night with snacks or a trip to the arcade (because nothing cements a friendship like Dance Dance Revolution). You could even throw a themed night for each letter of the alphabet, starting with ‘A’ for apples, art, athleisure wear and Aladdin. These moments create memories and nurture intimacy, enriching you emotionally and spiritually.
Deepening intimacy in friendships doesn’t require starting from scratch. It’s about making intentional, meaningful moments with the friends you already have. Friendship is a beautiful thing that deserves the same attention we give our romantic relationships.
Intimacy enriches our lives. By investing in our relationships with ourselves and others, we build meaningful connections. True intimacy is understanding, celebrating and showing up for each other in all the small, beautiful ways that matter. Broadening our definition of intimacy we open ourselves to a richer, more fulfilling life.