Long-lost classmate makes appearance for final

By Mitali Pradhan, December 5 2019 —

Second-year student Stephanie Wick expressed concern for her missing classmate, Patrick Wood, after not seeing him in any of their classes following the first week.  

“Patrick and I really hit it off in the first week of classes,” said Wick. “And then he just disappeared.” 

This was a common theme among several students. Theatres in which there was a battle for seats previously were now suspiciously quiet. The professor appeared to not notice the change — attendance taking at least half the class time previously. Wick, who had a final group assignment due with Patrick, was particularly adamant about getting in touch. 

“I never got his last name or his phone number, but I was trying to start a study group,” Wick said. “Not only did I email every single Patrick using a U of C email, I started designing missing posters around MacHall.”

The remaining students, more jealous of than concerned for their missing classmates, finally got answers during the final.  Students who had not been to class in months, suspected of having dropped out, suddenly showed up for the final. 

 “I honestly wondered if they even remembered the course name. But honestly, I think they did better on the final than I did even though I went to class,” Wick said. 

Several students asked their missing classmates where they had been and wondered what brought them back.  

“I helped stop the fighting for seats in a crammed theatre — I was just helping the rest of the students out!” argued Wood.

Several of the missing students echoed Wood’s sentiments. Battling for seats and sitting on the stairs disrupted the entire class — and these missing students were valiantly trying to help their classmates.  Upon further investigation, using Wood’s Instagram as a source, it was discovered that he had in fact been vacationing in New York for the majority of the semester. 

“It’s not my fault Expedia decided to put up the cheapest flights and hotel deals during the semester. My choices are limited by my wallet,” said Wood. 

Other classmates, jealous of his retreat, were curious as to why he was back for the final after missing the majority of the course.

“I still want to get to know my classmates, and there is no better conversation starter than asking what the professor’s name is during the final.” 

This article is part of our humour section.