By Ava Zardynezhad, August 9 2022—
So, you binged the recent season of the sci-fi sensation Stranger Things in one sitting and got inspired by all the bold haircuts on screen to give yourself your very own 80s-inspired fringe. Now, you’re left with a TV show withdrawal, a lifetime of trauma and grief over a bunch of teen, fictional characters, major regrets and an uncooperative head of hair. Here are a few ideas on how to style your Stranger Things bangs.
If you cut your bangs a little longer, you’re on the safer side. Grab those bobby pins you’ve been hiding since high school, flip those bangs up, fluff them and pin them. There you have the bump. Lucky for you, this nightmare-fueling hairstyle is making a comeback, so you can totally pretend like it was intentional. No one will even question it.
The “Lydia Deetz”
Since you were partially inspired by the greatest actress of all time, Winona Ryder, it’s only right that you pay her homage by salvaging your fringe into a spiky, Lydia Deetz from Beetlejuice situation. Tread very cautiously, however. Side effects of this hairstyle include seeing ghosts, being conned into marrying a low-key demonic, freelance bio-exorcist and being forever stuck in your goth phase — “no mom, it’s not a phase.”
Yet another hairstyle making its Gen Z comeback. The mullet is a historic and versatile cut dating back to sixth century BCE. Grab that razor and shave off those sides. No matter your place on the socio-political spectrum, this timeless and all-inclusive hairstyle will allow you to blend in as part of any community.
The Lord Faarquad
This one is for those GOATs — like myself — who decided getting shorter bangs while rocking shorter hair was a good idea. So, this wasn’t your greatest moment and now you look like a well-ridiculed yet iconic cartoon character. That’s okay! It’s totally fine! It’s your look and you’re owning it. But, if you are getting tired of being compared to the ruthless ruler of Duloc, I would recommend bidding the middle part goodbye or putting those locks in a ponytail.
The Bridgerton Bangs
So you overestimated how short you need to cut your hair to achieve those killer 80s bangs and now you’re left with the shortest fringe that sticks up and in every direction. The fix is quick and easy. Grab that curling iron and a can of hairspray and go to town on it. If you don’t like Daphne from Bridgerton’s curly bangs, you can always swap your curling iron for a straightening iron and don her regular bangs. This hairstyle is best accompanied with a fancy bun, a fashionable frock, subscription to the juiciest weekly gossip column, a deeply-seeded social pressure for monogamy and extreme, unaddressed sexual repression.
The “Claire from Fleabag”
You’re the type who just keeps cutting. When you cut the fringe, you thought maybe cutting a little on the sides might look fun and long story short, you’ve ended up looking “like a pencil.” But don’t worry, it’s definitely “modern” and that’s no lie. At this point though, I might have to ask whether you’re doing alright and if there’s any major life changes you’d like to talk about.
Whichever of these options you choose, I want you to know that I think you’re really brave. Wearing a different hairstyle is never easy, but what makes it look totally chic and stylish is how confidently you wear it. So, hold your chin up, style those killer bangs and hit the town, like the confident, totally awesome person you are. But, next time, maybe just give it a couple of days — or at least until the end of the season — before you make any decisions about your hair.
This article is part of our humour section.