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Municipalities fear for the life of their local critter mayor

By Ramiro Bustamante Torres, August 16 2022— 

Amidst the fear of certain world leaders and politicians being targeted and attacked, one local municipality has decided to prepare for an eventuality. 

The small town of Duck Bridge in Alberta has been known for their critter government and is usually dismissed as “an unrealistic utopia, an urban legend told to politicians as an unreachable standard that they will never achieve,” cited on their Wikipedia page. This is where Mayor Wiggles governs his quiet town, the fourth ever dog mayor and the 15th critter mayor of the town.

After celebrating their annual local holiday, Duck Bridge Day — in commemoration of their first critter mayor, a mother duck named Misty who saved the town from a horrible winter in the 70s — citizens fear their 50 years of prosperity will end in tragedy.

“There is no real direct threat yet, but you can feel the fear around town,” said Mary Weasel, a human spokesperson for the local government. “The town council has been gathering the last few weeks to discuss contingency plans in the event our dear Mayor Wiggles is targeted.” 

Along with future contingency plans, Weasel had shared that the security detail for the mayor has doubled since last week. It is worth noting Mayor Wiggles is only two and a half feet tall on all fours therefore they are working on a way not to lose sight of him with a larger group of security. 

“He’s a small fellow,” said Mrs. Cathy Schourn, a human citizen and member of the city council. “During parades it’s hard to catch a glimpse of him but you’ll know where he is by his commanding bark.”

While the council cannot divulge many details about the new plans they have been discussing to the public yet, there have been rumours about screening new residents on their past volunteer experiences with animals, a questionnaire to determine if they are more of a dog or cat person and an intensive crash course in the town’s history with a knowledge test at the end to approve their stay.

“We cannot risk allowing potential dangerous individuals to move into our small town without knowing their intentions first,” said Weasel. “Having a dog mayor and a cat person moving in can create a tense situation that we would rather avoid.” 

We were not able to get a comment from the mayor since we have not gone through the screening ourselves, but Weasel assures us that Mayor Wiggles appreciates us sharing this story and also hopes we state he is a good boy. The small town of Duck Bridge has been proud of their recent mayor and hopes that no harm befalls him. If you ever find yourself in town, they ask you to forgive the new strict measures but hope you can meet Mayor Wiggles during your visit.

This article is part of our humour section.

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