2022 SU General Election Full Supplement

Photo courtesy Gauntlet Archives // edited by Valery Perez

How to find the audacity to run for student politics

By Anabel Selemon, September 21 2022

What motivates people to run for politics? Whether you believe your faculty representative is in it for the people or to advance their own self-serving agenda, some patterns in characteristics seem to appear amongst our student politicians, much like the real political figureheads in our governments. Below are some of the glorious traits of our favourite Canadian politicians. 

Justin Trudeau: The Charmer

The political science major that wants to be a lawyer just like their dad.  They’ve been watching political YouTube channels since middle school, but still manage to have surface level takes on issues going way over their head. Dad’s taking care of the tuition but they’ve got a $2500 scholarship because they’re on the UCalgary “rowing team?” 

The one who could talk his way out of any grade with a sly smile and a hair flip, a la Bieber circa 2008. Charisma can certainly make you stand out amongst other candidates, but can it actually help you get the job done? Will charm increase minimum wage or reduce tuition prices?  

Maxime Bernier: The Disturber

The one who managed to top each and every outlandish thing they ever said. They believe that campus EDI efforts are all a part of “extreme-multiculturalism.” The Disturber fashions themself a realist and a rational voice in this so called “uber-progressive” modern period. They believe modern feminism is ruining the nuclear family and vaccine passports were nothing short of fascism. You may not want to pay this person any mind, but they will keep grabbing headlines and start arguments on the UCalgary Reddit.

Elizabeth May: The Loner

The one who is drowned out by the alpha-politicians. What do they stand for again?  Something green? Look for the trucks with “We Love Oil and Gas” bumper stickers at McMahon Stadium that rev their engines when they see this person at Banff Trail Station. 

Doug Ford: The Lingerer

The one who will never retire. They should have graduated three years ago. They’re from the time when everyone bragged about Stephen Harper having gone to UCalgary…and used real textbooks…and could afford tuition.

Jagmeet Singh: The Dreamer

The one who will never stop trying to make the world a better place, despite the eyerolls from fellow student candidates. He’s a total hippie, vegan, carries a reusable straw, wears man-buns — lots of man-buns — and always starts debates with economics professors, claiming there’s never been a “true communist regime.”  

Jason Kenney: The Runner

The one who is never around when it matters. On-campus emergency? Nope, they are on a cruise in the Mediterranean. COVID-19 outbreak? Nope, they’re chilling on a beach in the Bahamas.  

Identify with any of these traits? The list of character traits should not discourage you from entering the U of C’s lively political scene. Rather, the list serves as some much needed comedic self-reflection into why students pursue politics and the much needed levity when calling yourself a “politician.”

This article is part of our humour section.

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