By Ava Zardynezhad, September 30 2022—
(Sept 23 – Oct 22):
My Love: Six Stories of True Love
You thought I was gonna make this a joke about how indecisive you are, didn’t you? But no, it’s Libra season, so I’ll be nice. You’re a hopeless romantic and you love love. So, this docuseries about older couples sticking together through it all is right up your alley.
(Oct 23 – Nov 22):
Don’t F*** with Cats
You call it being “deeply sensual,” the rest of the world prefers “terrifying.” That’s all I’ve got for you, Scorpio.
(Nov 23 – Dec 21):
Jack Whitehall: Travels with My Father
This docuseries is perfect for you because it’s not only adventurous but it also says it like it is. No one is more honest than an older, White English man — especially if he’s a dad — and we know how much you value honesty. You are Michael Whitehall and Michael Whitehall is you.
(Dec 22 – Jan 19):
This docuseries speaks to your need for control. Despite being warned not to try any of the procedures seen on screen at home, you will attempt to create a perfect colony of genetically modified babies to take over the world, right in your basement.
(Jan 20 – Feb 18):
Wild Wild Country
Your idea of friendship is starting a cult, so this docuseries is basically autobiographical for you.
(Feb 19 – Mar 20):
I am Georgina
Yeah, this is not a docuseries. But, to you it is, so you go on and keep the fantasy alive bestie. I’m not gonna be the one who breaks it to you.
(Mar 21 – Apr 20):
Bad Vegan: Fame. Fraud. Fugitives
You’ll start watching this documentary thinking it’s just going to chronicle the life of a successful yet socially conscious girlboss running a fulfilling business in New York City. But being the most gullible of the bunch, you will stay because getting conned into stealing from your restaurant and living on the run sounds too plausible for you not to take notes — on how to avoid, obviously.
(Apr 21 – May 20):
Salt Fat Acid Heat
This show is everything you’re looking for in one package. You’ll have the luxury of going to all these fancy destinations from the comfort of your couch. You also won’t have to face your fear of change, because the show is gonna stick to the basics of your favourite foods.
(May 21 – June 21):
The Most Hated Man on the Internet
This show was made for the dichotomy within you. You can satiate your need to be the centre of attention through idolizing Hunter Moore and his cult. But, you will also satisfy your urge to be heard and your obsession with connecting with others through Charlotte Laws’ journey.
(June 22 – July 22):
This series is your safe space. Get ready to wear your emotions on your sleeves, grab a box of tissues and settle down for the most moving, tear-jerking docuseries of your life — yes, these are literal stories about clothes. This show will combine your two favourite things in the world — your love of glam and your ever-present need to emote.
(July 23 – Aug 21):
Yes. Yes, it is because you believe that the world revolves around you.
(Aug 22 – Sept 22):
This docuseries is basically a workshop on how to be a Virgo. Your toxic trait is thinking you, too, could bring world-class athletes to championships, despite lacking all the qualifications.
This article is part of our humour section.