Haskayne Monopoly game turns sour

By Derek Baker, February 12 2015 —

The Haskayne School of Business is expecting faculty layoffs after a heated game of Monopoly turned violent last week.

The chairs of various departments in Haskayne host a board games night every Wednesday. The mood turned sour last week when member Richard Rich brought out Monopoly, a game well-known for ruining friendships and creating family rifts.

“We normally try to avoid playing Monopoly at all costs, but it was Dr. Rich’s birthday. We felt we should let him choose,” said games night organizer Chelsea Cheques. “The last time we played Monopoly, over half of the department had to be let go.”

The game, which lasted 13 hours, was tense from the start, as everyone wanted to be the top-hat game token. A secret set of rules crafted by generations of business school students allowed the game to be played in a more in-depth and involved manner. There were contracts, hostile takeovers and accusations of false currency inflation. During the sixth hour of play, players spoke of a recession.

“Hour six was really hard for everyone. I don’t know how I got through it,” said associate professor Sam Stocks. “Thankfully, the concept of the free market sorted itself out, and we were able to pull ourselves out of the economic downturn with minimal use of hand-outs like the free parking space.”

The game’s end came down to an unfortunate set of doubles, with the Scottie dog, played by Benjamin Bucks, landing on a quadruple-housed Ventnor Avenue, followed by an unfortunate snake-eyes, landing him on a hoteled Marvin Gardens.

Mortgaging Baltic Avenue didn’t cover the costs, resulting in the final bankruptcy.

Rich, who was the banker for the game, owned both properties.

“Of course he won. We tried to watch him closely, but he must have slipped himself the odd hundred every now and then,” Cheques said.

Upon losing, Bucks erupted in a fit of rage and threw the board across the room.

Bucks then pelted the other players with houses and hotels, uttering phrases such as, “how’s this for tourism management?”

Though no one was seriously hurt, the behaviour was deemed unacceptable and concerning. Haskayne chair members have set new policies regarding board games night. Games that are deemed highly competitive are now banned.

“I don’t think we’ll be playing Monopoly again for a long time,” Cheques said.

Similar incidents have been reported across other faculties, and measures are being taken to ban the playing of Jenga in the Shulich School of Engineering, Pictionary in the fine arts department and Risk in the history department.