A serious review of Lady Gaga’s “Christmas Tree”

By Derek Baker, November 29 2016 —

In 2008, Lady Gaga released one of the most unappreciated holiday songs in existence, “Christmas Tree.” However, it has recently come to my attention that many individuals think this song is some weird perverted metaphor for sex, to which I reply, “get your head out of the gutter.” To prove my point — and cleanse your filthy souls in time for the holidays — I have analyzed each line of this Christmas banger for its true and pure meaning.

Light me up, put me on top:

Released in 2008, “Christmas Tree” was Gaga’s first stab at a holiday hit. Obviously, this rising star had her eyes set for the top of the charts, though she was unfairly robbed with the lack of success seen by this song.

Let’s falalalalalalalala:

It’s time to get festive! The only way to properly express your festive spirit is to falalalalalalalala your way through this Christmas season — singing, that is.

The only place you want to be is underneath my Christmas tree:

That’s where all the presents are! Anyone who says that Christmas is about more than just receiving gifts is trying too hard to be selfless and is a liar — Lady Gaga ain’t afraid to tell the truth.

Ho, ho, ho, under the mistletoe:

This is definitely not an innuendo to the derogatory term towards women. Lady Gaga is simply referring to the jolly sound Santa makes, made even more festive with the added mistletoe.

Yes everybody knows, we will take off our clothes:

Everyone knows Santa won’t come unless we’re all asleep in bed. Mother Monster is thoughtfully reminding us to take off our clothes to put on our pyjamas and jump into bed before Santa arrives. We wouldn’t want Santa not  to come, would we?

Oh, oh, a Christmas, my Christmas tree is delicious:

Have you seen those Reese’s peanut butter cups in the shape of Christmas trees? I don’t know about you, but I find them pretty tasty too. Thanks Gaga, for offering us some.

Here, here, here, the best time of the year/take off my stockings we’re:

Referring to hanging stockings by the fire, Lady Gaga is clearly just getting ready for Santa’s visit by hanging her socks on the mantle.

I’m spreading Christmas cheer:

Yes you are, Gaga. Yes you are.

This article is part of our humour section