Tamagotchi murderer rejected from vet school

By Jill Girgulis, January 24 2017 —

Fourth-year biology student Rachel Redick’s application to the University of Calgary’s Doctor of Veterinary Medicine program was recently rejected because, according to the admission board, she “failed to provide the necessities of life to a creature, real or digital, in her care.”

Redick, normally a devoted Tamagotchi parent, recently let her busy schedule get the best of her and neglected the digital pet until it eventually succumbed to illness.

Now, she’s facing the consequences.

“They told me I was red-flagged,” Redick said. “I’m never gonna be a vet now.”

With the resurgence of Tamagotchi popularity in the last few years due to the smartphone version of the popular handheld toy, a career in virtual veterinary medicine has the potential to be incredibly lucrative, something Redick is well aware of.

“The plan was to break into the Tamagotchi reproduction market,” Redick said. “The Matchmaker is pretty old — she’s not gonna be around forever.”

When asked why she let the creature perish instead of simply resetting the device, Redick blamed the overuse of technology in the classroom.

“I can only use a laptop to take notes now, so I couldn’t find a normal pen in time to reset [the Tamagotchi],” she said. “When the beeps of doom came from the device, I couldn’t rifle through my backpack quick enough to find a pen. Oh god, I am so sorry!”

Redick is now planning a funeral for her dead virtual pet.

Assistant dean of admissions Matthew Read explained the U of C’s decision to remove Redick from the applicant pool.

“The student clearly demonstrated a lack of responsibility when she let her helpless Tamagotchi starve,” Read said. “It’s a competitive program and this is just not something we can have in a future enrollee.”

First-year veterinary medicine student Jordan Greenfield agreed with Read, but acknowledged that they may be missing out on a valuable addition to their program.

“I can certainly see their concern, but it would’ve been helpful to have someone in vet school who actually has experience with this species,” Greenfield said. “We have horse people, cow people, small animal people, but no Tamagotchi people. I think most of us would benefit from some Tamagotchi animal handling tips.”

The department of veterinary medicine is now considering a specialization in virtual animals. Hopeful applicants must show competence in caring for Neopets, Sims, Tamagotchis and Hatchimals.

This article is part of our humour section.